In an Exercise Rut? 5 Steps to Get Unstuck!

exercise rut, healthy habits, staying active

 

If you are in an exercise rut or not exercising at all, you are probably associating exercise with a “have to” rather than a “want to.” If you’re not having fun and exercise feels more like a punishment than a reward, you will not keep doing it. The way your brain is wired, it remembers situations that feel punishing and avoids them. This means that if exercise feels like a chore, your brain will make it harder and harder for you to engage in that activity. You will notice your motivation continue to decrease.

We all know that a sedentary life brings countless health problems. Most people agree that exercise has extreme health benefits: strength and muscle maintenance, slows down the aging process, weight management, mood regulation, skin health, balanced hormones, increases energy, promotes sound sleep, andimproves circulation. Exercise also regulates your brain chemistry, including the neurotransmitter serotonin, a key chemical involved in depression and anxiety.

Since you know exercise is beneficial to your overall health and well-being, how about making it rewarding instead of punishing? Follow the 5 Steps below to get out of the rut and feel vibrant and energized moving your body again!

STEP 1: Identify where exercise could be enjoyable.

What, realistically, would be a step toward enjoyable exercise that you can take this week? Before you respond with, “No exercise is enjoyable,” really open your mind here. Most, if not all of us enjoy moving our bodies in a way that feels good. What way of moving your body feels pleasurable to you? Perhaps you miss going on a morning walk and listening to the birds. Maybe you enjoy the feel of the water when you go swimming. Perhaps you feel powerful lifting weights. If exercise is new to you, think about environments you enjoy being in and how you might inject just a little bit of movement. Perhaps you enjoy that first big stretch before getting out of bed in the morning? No movement is too small. For Step 1, just start identifying where or when you enjoy moving your body. Put judgments aside and think about what feels good in your bones.

STEP 2: Figure out a small and realistic next step based on where you are right now.

Be honest with yourself. If you take advanced yoga classes three times per week, lift weights, and hike regularly, your next step will look very different than if you fancy yourself a couch potato and haven’t exercised in years. It doesn’t matter where you start or how small your first step seems to be. I once had a client who was sedentary, and years ago, she used to love to walk outdoors in her neighborhood. Her first steps toward exercise involved finding and then cleaning her walking shoes. These steps took a couple of weeks, and then she was off and walking. I viewed this as a tremendous success because she had been trying to bully herself into walking for years, with no success. By putting judgments aside (she initially thought these steps were too “small” and “silly”), she was moving regularly, and feeling energized and motivated in a matter of a few weeks.

STEP 3: Take the first step!

This may seem obvious, but many people can get stuck in the planning stages. Planning exercise is not exercise. Once you have identified a first do-able step, take it! Go for it! HINT: If time goes by and you are not taking that first step, break it down further into much smaller steps until you can follow through and take one.

STEP 4: REINFORCE!

There is a reason this step is in all CAPS. I cannot emphasize enough the power of reinforcement. If you respond to the step you have taken by telling yourself it is “too small” or “not enough,” you are punishing yourself for the effort you just put forth and can look forward to another exercise slump and watch your activity level wane. In contrast, reinforcingyourself for doing it, giving yourself positive feedback and being proud of what you are accomplishing is how you can keep your momentum, or build it. (Scroll to the bottom of this article for more specifics on reinforcement and how to do it.)

STEP 5: Keep taking this same step and reinforce it until it becomes easy.

Resist the urge to take on more until you have mastered this step. If you do, you risk becoming overwhelmed and may give up before you’ve reached your exercise goals. Keep taking this step until it no longer feels like a challenge but feels rather easy to do. Once mastered, it is time to increase the difficulty and, you guessed it, reinforce. (Expert tip: Once the step has become easy, reinforce it only sometimes before tapering off the reinforcement altogether. This is called intermittent reinforcement, which is the most effective way to lock in a behavior and make it permanent.)
These steps still apply even if you have an active lifestyle. Are you feeling stalled because you have plateaued, or have been doing the same workout so long that it is easy or boring now? Then make it a little harder, step it up, and move towards a more challenging work out using the five steps above. Immediately jumping ahead to something that is very challenging to you right away can only work if you accept that the road to a new habit or skill is not a straight line. For more on that, visit the earlier article on how change really happens:REINFORCEMENT is the most effective way to achieve lasting change.

Some ideas for reinforcement:

DEFINITION: A REINFORCER is anything that increases the likelihood of a behavior occurring again.

  • TIMING counts!
  • Make sure to reinforce your progress as soon as you can after engaging in the desired behavior. (e.g., You just put on your shoes to go for a short walk to increase fitness. REINFORCE yourself right then. “Nice!” “I did it!” Don’t wait. REINFORCE immediately!)
  • Remember, the brain is making connections. The most powerful connections are made when the behavior and reinforcer happen close together in time. You can do it!
  • Find REINFORCERS that work.

Make a note of the REINFORCERS you want to try from the list below or use the list to help you brainstorm some of your own reinforcers.

  • Congratulate yourself (“Good job!” “You did it!”).
  • Make and enjoy your favorite flavor of tea.
  • Write a smiley face on your list next to the task you accomplished.
  • Stop and notice sensations of pride in your body.
  • Enjoy a small bit of nourishing food you enjoy and really taste it (e.g., a sip of fresh orange juice, a small piece of chocolate).
  • Look in the mirror and say, “I’m really proud of you.” Mean it and take it in. Feel the effects.
  • Choose an activity you enjoy to reward yourself (e.g., coloring, a favorite TV program, listening to a favorite song, play with Play-Doh).
  • Dance around the room.
  • Pat yourself on the back or give yourself a hug and feel the effects.
  • Gently rub the back of your hand while acknowledging your efforts.
  • Keep joyful pictures on your phone and take a moment to look at them and enjoy.

The key, no matter how many good tunes are on your iPod or what new sport you’re trying, is that you reinforce yourself- give yourself credit for all the work you do, even and especially when you are moving towards your goals but have not hit them yet.

For professional help with changing habits and creating a thriving life in alignment with your values, contact Dr. Bando today.

 


4 Tips for Returning to Therapy

For an audio recording of this post, visit here: Dr. Bando on Soundcloud 

When you make the investment of time, energy and money in therapy, you want to experience progress and change. If you’ve been in therapy before but haven’t achieved the results you want, you may be wondering what you can do to make those changes. Talk therapy can feel helpful, allowing you to have some real ‘aha’ moments and gain insight into the cause of your problems. However, talk or what’s called “supportive” therapy often does not help you change and meet your goal. Often, what is needed is to learn practical, concrete skills that will help you foster lasting change and healing. This can be achieved through treatment with a results-oriented therapist.

If you’re thinking about returning to therapy and want to create more effective change, here’s what to do:

Four things to keep in mind.

1st- Know That Returning to Therapy Takes Readiness and Commitment

If you have decided on returning to therapy, that’s a great sign that usually indicates you have some readiness and commitment to do what is needed to make changes. The most important first step is finding a therapist who aligns with your goals and who you feel comfortable working with. This can help you stay committed and focused.

Many clients prefer a results-oriented therapist who will work with them to make specific changes toward goals, rather than attending therapy indefinitely. The right therapist can help you identify and build upon your goals from the start and keep you motivated to do what is needed for lasting change.

returning to therapy, return to therapy again California online

2nd- Develop A Plan

While the idea of planning your therapy might seem strange, having a goal and a plan in place makes it much more likely you will succeed in making changes. Sometimes people attend therapy to just talk or vent, but to transform your life you need to work systematically to plan and implement change.

The therapist you choose to work with should develop a case formulation within your first few sessions. This formulation offers expert reflections and additional insight on your current situation. A skilled therapist will indicate a thorough understanding of your unique situation and collaborate with you to make sure this formulation is on target. By the third or fourth session, you and your therapist should have treatment goals and a treatment plan that will guide your future sessions, help you better understand what to expect out of therapy and ensure you both keep your eyes on the prize and moving toward your goals.

 3rd- Take What You Learn in Therapy Outside the Session

One benefit of therapy can be receiving support from your therapist and leaving sessions feeling relieved or empowered. Keep in mind, this is not enough. If you are working to make changes, then you must take the work done in therapy with you, outside of the session, and into your day-to-day actions. A therapist focused on getting you the results that you want will probably ask you to do “homework” or to practice new skills throughout the week. It is essential to follow the recommendations of your therapist and do your assigned practices so that you can reap the benefits of therapy and translate them into your daily life. Practice in between sessions is imperative to change. It also arms you with information about what happened when you tried these new skills, and you and your therapist can troubleshoot and hone the skills in your next session. Your practice and feedback are invaluable in helping you and your therapist stay on track with moving toward your goals.

Depending on your therapist’s style and theoretical orientation, they may be able to implement additional ways to help you achieve change. For example, therapists that have been trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) might ask you to complete weekly Diary Cards, so you can plan to try out and practice newly learned skills and then keep track of what happened and have a straightforward way of reporting this in your next session.

4th- Discuss Problems with Your Therapist

 Therapy does not always happen on a linear path without hiccups. At times, problems may arise. Whether you felt misunderstood by your therapist, your homework did not seem to hit the mark, or you are not making the changes you expected as quickly as you wanted, it is important to talk about this honestly with your therapist. This can be an excellent time for you and your therapist to revisit your identified goals, refine your treatment plan, and figure out any adjustments that need to be made. Although it might seem like a challenging conversation, talking with your therapist about what is not working may help you discover some factors that are holding you back or halting change, making this a valuable part of your treatment. Do not underestimate the value of the feedback you give to your therapist. Once your therapist knows your experience, thoughts, and feelings, he or she has the opportunity to respond effectively, make any necessary adjustments, and this ensures you can get the quality care you want and need.

With the right approach, you can make effective and lasting changes when returning to therapy, learning new and valuable skills that lead to a more rewarding and satisfying way of life.

Remember, life is too short to just survive, that’s why I help people thrive. I’m Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando, licensed psychologist. Thank you for reading and best wishes to you in making the lasting changes you want.

 


Feeling Over-“stuffed”: 3 of 4

How to Focus on What Matters During the Holidays (and Keep Yourself Feeling Merry).

Part 3 of 4 of the Holiday Stress Survival Guide

 

The holiday season is filled with so much extra stuff – packed schedules, gifts to buy, errands, food (more on that in Part 4), and people! You may feel over-“stuffed” yet still experience loneliness. Feeling sadness or struggling to enjoy the holiday season is a common experience. Many people find the holidays a stressful time of year. As mentioned, sometimes you may feel lonely (even in a room full of people), have a history of disappointing holiday memories, or have experienced a loss associated with the holiday season (such as the death of a loved one). It can feel like everyone around you is enjoying time with loved ones and the warmth of the season while you feel left out in the cold. If you find this a particularly difficult and lonesome time of year, take heart and read on for some ideas for finding comfort.

 

MAKE MEANING

Research shows us that even in the direst situations (being held in a concentration camp, surviving 9/11, or losing a loved one) people who are able to make meaning have a better quality of life and report more happiness overall in the years following that event. I mention these heart-wrenching examples because when you are down in the dumps and someone tells you, “everything happens for a reason” or some other encouragement geared toward making meaning, it can often feel invalidating and infuriating. The skill of making meaning or purpose in the midst of a painful experience can get you through and help you thrive. Research with survivors of tragic historic events shows us this is true.

 

Here’s what meaning-making is not: Making meaning out of pain is not forcing a smile and pretending everything is okay. It is not people-pleasing and making everyone else happy and comfortable while you suffer inside. It is not telling yourself that this situation happened for a reason or you must have deserved it.

 

What making meaning does involve, is finding a way to derive some purpose, something you can gain, out of the suffering you are in. In other words, how can you play the terrible hand of cards you have been dealt in the most beneficial way possible? Here is an example: I know a woman who has struggled with infertility and it is not possible for her to have children. This is very painful for her and every time the holidays come around, she aches to have a family. Every ornament that is hung and tradition experienced reminds her that she will not be passing any of this on to her own children. She feels pain. Although at times, she may be angry and want to scream how unfair this is, what brings her the most peace is finding meaning through her own spiritual and meditative practices, which she believes she would not do if she had not been met with so much sadness about something she cannot fix. She views her situation as driving her closer to practicing her spiritual beliefs and, as a result, extending increased compassion toward others. This does not make the state of affairs or her pain go away. What this meaning-making practice does, is help her focus on her values and find something of worth in the midst of her circumstances. When she feels lonely, sad, hopeless, she turns to her spiritual practices and finds comfort. This is making meaning.

 

Meaning making is a skill taught in the Distress Tolerance module of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Distress Tolerance skills are designed for getting you through the moment when you cannot immediately solve the problem or source of your pain. At times, the holidays can be painful and because of the circumstances, we cannot completely change this. We feel pain, sadness, and loneliness. Making meaning can help us get through until, as with everything in life, this pain too shall pass. There will come a day that you smile and laugh and find pleasure. Remind yourself of this. Don’t let holiday loneliness get to you. Here are some tips to cope with Holiday Season sadness.

 

Online therapy. Loneliness, DBT, video therapy, California psychlogist

 

ENJOY JUST A MOMENT

Another DBT skill, this time from the Emotion Regulation module, is to engage in pleasant activities. The reasoning is that if you don’t have pleasant activities in your day, you cannot have a pleasant life. Sometimes, when you are very low, as you may feel during the holiday season, it feels like nothing gives you pleasure or joy. This is where you must get creative.

 

Instead of looking for bliss, try adjusting your expectations and finding one small thing that you can somewhat enjoy for a few seconds. Some examples are your first sip of coffee, those first few moments of getting into bed after a long day, taking a moment to inhale the delicious aroma of the food you are about to eat, or stopping to notice a beautiful flower. When times are rough and we cannot feel sustained happiness, it does not eliminate our need to be nourished with joy. When we start to notice the little things, even for a few seconds, we begin to build our emotional bank account with some pleasant experiences.

 

Think about having an empty bucket of loneliness or sadness. Every time you notice something even a little bit pleasant, like the moment you take off your shoes when arriving home, you are filling the bucket with a drop of pleasure. Of course, one drop does not make a big difference in a large, empty bucket. If you keep it up, drop by drop, over time, the bucket fills. Although it can feel like a slow process, every single time you turn your attention towards something even a little bit pleasant, you are a drop closer to filling that bucket. When you have accumulated many pleasant events, you will build the ability to feel more pleasure and happiness. Don’t force it. Just keep practicing and it will happen.

 

TAKE TIME TO REMEMBER

If your holiday season is a sad time because of loss and grief, you can make remembrance and the celebration of a loved one’s life a part of your holiday tradition. My grandmother used to make pies during the holidays. She would roll out the extra pie crust, spread it with butter, sugar, and cinnamon, and make special cookies for me to nibble while the pies baked. Now, whenever I make a pie, I use my grandmother’s fabulous pie crust recipe and say a little “thank you” to her for creating this memory for me. My husband now sometimes joins in, and instead of feeling sadness and lack, it has become a bonding experience that brings up nostalgia and gratitude. Rather than trying to push your pain aside or focus only on the positive, you may find a more authentic and touching experience when you take a few moments to remember those you have lost and commemorate this, even with a little “thank you.”

 

I hope that these strategies and activities make the holiday season a lot more enjoyable. If, however, your holiday blues are more severe or do not seem to reduce even after taking steps to help, then you may want to consider visiting a therapist. Therapists trained in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can be particularly helpful in dealing with the realities of the holiday season and finding effective coping strategies. Get in contact with a therapist to find out how they can provide that extra support to help you get through the holiday season, and perhaps feel even better about it.

 

Happy Holidays! Please remember, life is too short just to survive. Use these practices to help you THRIVE!

Read the whole series

Feeling Over-”stuffed” Part 1: Holiday Stress

Feeling Over-”stuffed” Part 2: Navigating Relationships

Feeling Over-”stuffed” Part 3: Loneliness

Feeling Over-”stuffed” Part 4: Overeating

If you use any of the practices suggested, please feel free to share your experiences and send your comments to contact@drbando.com. While Dr. Bando will not answer personally, your comments and feedback help inform future posts.

 

 

 

 


6 Most Common Questions About Therapy Answered

Going to therapy for the first time can be daunting when you don’t know what to expect. Sometimes, even if you have been to therapy before and have not received the results you wanted, you may have questions about how to return to therapy and achieve a different outcome. The answers to these frequently asked questions can help you wisely invest your time and money in therapy to achieve the success you want.

  1. Why Should I Go To Therapy?

If you’ve never been to therapy before, you might wonder why you should take the step to get treatment. Every therapy experience is different, so defining your personal goals can help to guide both your motivation to go to therapy, as well as your choice of therapy type and therapist. If you wisely choose a change-oriented therapist, treatment can be fruitful as a growth experience or to help you navigate a stressful life situation or relationship. Many people visit a therapist to discuss a specific issue or diagnosis, but you don’t need to have that all figured out before reaching out to a new therapist. Just knowing that you want help is enough. A skilled therapist can help you define your treatment goals and decide what changes you would like to see in your life for therapy to be deemed successful.

What is DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, online therapy service

  1. How Do I Find A Therapist?

Common ways of finding a therapist are through recommendations from family and friends, online directories, your insurance company, online reviews or often, a web search. Searching the web allows you to define exactly what you are looking for, and get to know prospective therapists through their websites, before deciding who to contact. A benefit of our technological age today is that you can choose TeleHealth, or online therapy sessions, for location independent therapy when and where you need it.

  1. How Do I Choose A Therapist?

Choosing the right therapist involves either identifying a problem you want help with or the type of therapy you want and evaluating whether the therapist is the right match for you. Some therapists have individual specialties or areas of interest that may appeal to you, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) or Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Ask for a phone consultation with your potential therapist to see if this is someone you feel comfortable opening up to and working with.

  1. How Will I Know If A Therapist Is A Good Match?

You want to find out if your therapist’s goals match your goals. Is this clinician results-oriented so you can focus on moving forward (not just talking about moving forward) and from therapy eventually? Can they identify your main problem areas, as well as an action plan to work on them? Can they develop a treatment plan and treatment goals with you, and help you project how long you will need therapy within the first few sessions? Therapy is a collaborative effort, and it is important to ensure your goals and vision match those of your therapist.

  1. How Do I Monitor The Progress of Therapy?

You probably want to heal, grow and progress through therapy, and it is important to know how to measure that. An experienced, results-oriented therapist will understand how to monitor progress according to the goals you set. Progress monitoring is essential because you want to make sure therapy not just helps you feel better, but also helps you get better. Using psychological measures to track your progress can help you and your therapist know whether treatment is working, how fast it is working, and whether the treatment plan needs to be altered to receive better results more quickly.

  1. I’ve Never Been To Therapy Before, What Do I Need To Know?

While it’s natural to feel nervous before your first therapy session, understand that your therapist is a professional who is trained and experienced in helping you face problem areas in your life, and promote growth, healing, and change. If you have put the time and research into choosing the right therapist, you should feel comfortable and at ease in therapy within the first few sessions. Stay open minded, and if you experience that things are not going as planned or the therapist is not meeting your needs as you had hoped, feel free to discuss this with the clinician, or to try a different therapist.

Therapy can promote profound, impactful change to your life. It is important that you are empowered to get the right help for you. Hopefully, the tips in this article will boost your confidence about starting or revisiting therapy with these frequently asked questions answered. Take a step towards the life you want today, and start shifting from surviving to thriving!


PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

I heard that you might want to make some changes to become happier and more fulfilled.

Well, what are you waiting for?! Just do it! Do it now! Go! Start! Fast! Come on! What’s wrong with you?! Get it done!

That approach of hammering and berating yourself is not effective. In fact, it is quite unmotivating, especially in the long-term.

Did you know that it is scientifically impossible to simply change and create a whole new way of being suddenly and without practice?

Imagine you want to become a professional golfer. You decided one day that would be something you would like to do. So, you told yourself, “Just do it! It’s a matter of will. If I want it bad enough, I can have it. Just do it!” What then? Would you expect yourself, never having hit a golf ball, to go out the next day and successfully compete against Tiger Woods? Of course not. You know that is impossible.

Yet, we do this to ourselves all the time. We decide that we want to eat healthier, exercise more, act differently in our relationships, and we tell ourselves to “just do it!” Then we slip into behaving the same old way that didn’t work before and believe we have done something wrong and somehow should have gotten different results. What we are missing here is that change requires skill and

DEVELOPING A SKILL REQUIRES PRACTICE!

 Not just practice, but PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and then some more PRACTICE.

You can start PRACTICING new behaviors to start to change your life today. Here are FIVE STEPS for successful practice:

  1. Think about what you want and make sure it is something that YOU want. (Not something you think you “should” want or a way that others believe you “should” behave.)

EXAMPLES: You want to feel healthy and vibrant in your body and want to change your eating to achieve this. (You do NOT set out to change your diet because someone told you that you should.)

  1. Now, think about some action steps that might be needed for you to be on the path toward what you want. Keep these actions steps simple and easy enough for you to do them in real time.

EXAMPLES: mindfully eat a nourishing meal, go for a walk, take a breath before responding when irritated, go to bed before midnight

  1. Write these action steps into your personal Reinforcement Practice Sheet (CLICK HERE).
  2. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and then PRACTICE engaging in these behaviors whenever you can.
  3. Rather than focusing on or mentally beating yourself up for when you are not practicing, focus your mind on when you do PRACTICE, and reinforce it. (Use the Reinforcement Practice Sheet for ideas.)

Most importantly, give yourself a break! Smile, laugh, understand that you are human, and revel in the imperfections along the way. (More on this in a future newsletter.)

LIFE’S TOO SHORT JUST TO SURVIVE. THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!


The MOST EFFECTIVE way to change a habit

We have all been there. We want to exercise, change the foods we eat, stop eating late at night, make that health care appointment, or countless other important things. Today passes, then tomorrow, then a week goes by and we realize we haven’t made that change that we wanted at all. We just can’t seem to find that Motivation, so we get frustrated and feel defeated. Our self-talk becomes harsh: “Ugh, I am so bad at this!” “Why can’t I just do what I’m supposed to?! It should be easy!” “I’m hopeless.” “I’m an idiot!” We might give up for the moment and throw in the towel, abandon our goals, and try just to accept things as they are, giving up hope that we will ever change them.

Maybe we decide to finally get serious. We are disgusted with ourselves so we make a strict plan to ensure we adhere to the behaviors we “should” be doing. Then one day passes, then another, then a week, and then here we are: still stuck, still without change.

Perhaps we even make the change for a short time. Maybe we start eating in a way that makes us feel nourished and energized while helping to reach a target weight. Then, time goes by and we are sick of being restrictive and depriving ourselves, so we give in and indulge, feel stuck in old behaviors, staying unmotivated, and continuing the cycle.

PUNISHMENT: the least effective way to make lasting change

This cycle of being stuck involves a very ineffective long-term change strategy: punishment. A punisher is anything that weakens a behavior, and when we punish a behavior (e.g., critical, harsh words or self-talk), we are decreasing the likelihood that the behavioral change will occur. A very important thing to keep in mind is that punishment is the least effective way to create long-term change. Punishment works to motivate and change behaviors only in the short-term, but has the opposite effect in the long run.

Let’s take a look at an example: Imagine that you want to exercise more. You have defined specific goals and know that you would like to walk for 20 minutes, four times per week. Currently, you are sedentary and hardly walk at all, and never for more than about 5 minutes. Let’s look at two different ways of approaching this change.

 Punishment: Whenever you think about exercising, you practically roll your eyes. You know that you do not do nearly as much as you should (judgment) and are disgusted with yourself for not doing what you know is good (judgment) for you. You plan to go for a 20-minute walk that week and when the time comes, you just don’t do it. It’s like you can’t get yourself to make it happen. You internally beat yourself up, make a mental note about how you’ve failed, and then push it away and try not to think about it. You stay stuck.

REINFORCEMENT: is the most effective way to achieve lasting change.

Now, let’s look at another way of approaching this same problem, Reinforcement

You look at the REALITY of the situation and VALIDATE yourself: You know that walking regularly has been difficult for you but you also know that a value of yours is to be physically fit and strong.

You define a GOAL: You are aware that walking regularly (20 minutes, four times per week, specifically) will help you to move closer to this value.

You define SPECIFIC STEPS you can take toward that goal: You know that changes take time and practice, so you define some steps that you know you will be able to take in the next week to begin to lead you toward your goal. You set yourself up for success.

You notice judgments and turn toward REINFORCEMENT: When thoughts arise like “This should be easy”, “These are only baby steps”, and “I should be able to do more), you define them as “judgment thoughts”. You then shift your attention toward reinforcing what you are doing, instead of focusing on what you are not doing. You can use my Reinforcement Practice Sheet to help you reinforce each step you take. By the end of the week, your Reinforcement Practice Sheet looks something like this:

Change a Habit, anxiety, depression, overcoming depression, life coach, fixing relationships, relationship management, couples counseling, Alamo, Concord

In the above example, you have not yet reached your goal of walking 20 minutes, four times per week, but you are also no longer stuck. You will have gotten off the all-or-nothing roller coaster and have started to move toward your fitness goal. You will create an opportunity to make these steps a habit and be able to build upon them. By letting go of any judgments about whether these actions are “good” enough, you are able to identify steps that are possible for you to take, that are in line with moving toward your goal, and that give you an opportunity to use reinforcement.

A reinforcer is anything that strengthens a behavior. Reinforcement is presenting a reward (e.g., encouragement) directly after a desired behavior to optimize the likelihood that behavior will occur more frequently. Reinforcement is THE MOST EFFECTIVE way to achieve lasting behavior change!

How can you apply reinforcement? A reinforcer can be as simple as telling yourself, “Good job!” or “I did it!” You can give yourself a gentle and encouraging touch, like rubbing the back of your hand gently or giving your shoulders a hug. You can keep your favorite essential oil or lotion nearby and breathe in the aroma to reinforce the step you just took toward your values.

When can you reinforce? When you reinforce yourself is important. Your brain makes links and relationships. When we reinforce a behavior, the brain associates that behavior with something pleasant and we are then more likely to move toward it.

TIP: Make sure to reinforce as soon as you have engaged in the desired behavior. Do not wait! As soon as you do something related to the desired change you want to make, reinforce the hell out of it! Reinforcement greases the wheels of behavior change. When you reinforce desired behaviors right after they occur, the brain learns that engaging in that behavior is rewarding and over time, it becomes easier and easier for you to do these behaviors.

 

ADVANCED TIP: When the behavior you have been reinforcing becomes easy and you start doing it more automatically, only reinforce that behavior some of the time and start reinforcing new, harder behaviors. (Reinforcing behaviors only sometimes is called intermittent reinforcement. Intermittent reinforcement helps to lock in a behavior. Once a behavior has been intermittently reinforced, it becomes very hard to extinguish that behavior.)

 

If you read this article so far, you may have sparked some new ideas. That may feel exciting, but it will not help you change anything. In order to create change, you must PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE! and then PRACTICE! some more.

 

Your CHALLENGE: Use the attached Reinforcement Practice Sheet to get started today. Decide what you want to change and fill out the worksheet with related behaviors.

  1. Choose actions that are possible for you to do this week. (Not behaviors that “should” be possible, and really aren’t. Choose behaviors you are able and likely to engage in.)
  2. Make sure the behaviors are specific (so that you know what to reinforce).
  3. Look at the back of the worksheet and choose how you are going to apply reinforcement. Pick a couple of options so that no matter where you are or what you are doing, you can reinforce immediately.
  4. Be on the lookout for the behaviors you defined and REINFORCE! REINFORCE! REINFORCE! every time you try to practice engaging in these behaviors.
  5. At the end of your week, re-evaluate. Fill out a new Reinforcement Practice Sheet for the upcoming week and make sure to follow the above steps. Keep what worked for you this past week and tweak what didn’t.
  6. Last but not least, HAVE FUN with this! Life’s too short just to survive! Let yourself enjoy and THRIVE!

 

Life’s too short just to survive. That’s why I help people THRIVE!


© 2017 Amanda Gale Bando Phd · Designed and Developed by D-Kode Technology

Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando

Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando