4 Tips for Returning to Therapy

For an audio recording of this post, visit here: Dr. Bando on Soundcloud 

When you make the investment of time, energy and money in therapy, you want to experience progress and change. If you’ve been in therapy before but haven’t achieved the results you want, you may be wondering what you can do to make those changes. Talk therapy can feel helpful, allowing you to have some real ‘aha’ moments and gain insight into the cause of your problems. However, talk or what’s called “supportive” therapy often does not help you change and meet your goal. Often, what is needed is to learn practical, concrete skills that will help you foster lasting change and healing. This can be achieved through treatment with a results-oriented therapist.

If you’re thinking about returning to therapy and want to create more effective change, here’s what to do:

Four things to keep in mind.

1st- Know That Returning to Therapy Takes Readiness and Commitment

If you have decided on returning to therapy, that’s a great sign that usually indicates you have some readiness and commitment to do what is needed to make changes. The most important first step is finding a therapist who aligns with your goals and who you feel comfortable working with. This can help you stay committed and focused.

Many clients prefer a results-oriented therapist who will work with them to make specific changes toward goals, rather than attending therapy indefinitely. The right therapist can help you identify and build upon your goals from the start and keep you motivated to do what is needed for lasting change.

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2nd- Develop A Plan

While the idea of planning your therapy might seem strange, having a goal and a plan in place makes it much more likely you will succeed in making changes. Sometimes people attend therapy to just talk or vent, but to transform your life you need to work systematically to plan and implement change.

The therapist you choose to work with should develop a case formulation within your first few sessions. This formulation offers expert reflections and additional insight on your current situation. A skilled therapist will indicate a thorough understanding of your unique situation and collaborate with you to make sure this formulation is on target. By the third or fourth session, you and your therapist should have treatment goals and a treatment plan that will guide your future sessions, help you better understand what to expect out of therapy and ensure you both keep your eyes on the prize and moving toward your goals.

 3rd- Take What You Learn in Therapy Outside the Session

One benefit of therapy can be receiving support from your therapist and leaving sessions feeling relieved or empowered. Keep in mind, this is not enough. If you are working to make changes, then you must take the work done in therapy with you, outside of the session, and into your day-to-day actions. A therapist focused on getting you the results that you want will probably ask you to do “homework” or to practice new skills throughout the week. It is essential to follow the recommendations of your therapist and do your assigned practices so that you can reap the benefits of therapy and translate them into your daily life. Practice in between sessions is imperative to change. It also arms you with information about what happened when you tried these new skills, and you and your therapist can troubleshoot and hone the skills in your next session. Your practice and feedback are invaluable in helping you and your therapist stay on track with moving toward your goals.

Depending on your therapist’s style and theoretical orientation, they may be able to implement additional ways to help you achieve change. For example, therapists that have been trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) might ask you to complete weekly Diary Cards, so you can plan to try out and practice newly learned skills and then keep track of what happened and have a straightforward way of reporting this in your next session.

4th- Discuss Problems with Your Therapist

 Therapy does not always happen on a linear path without hiccups. At times, problems may arise. Whether you felt misunderstood by your therapist, your homework did not seem to hit the mark, or you are not making the changes you expected as quickly as you wanted, it is important to talk about this honestly with your therapist. This can be an excellent time for you and your therapist to revisit your identified goals, refine your treatment plan, and figure out any adjustments that need to be made. Although it might seem like a challenging conversation, talking with your therapist about what is not working may help you discover some factors that are holding you back or halting change, making this a valuable part of your treatment. Do not underestimate the value of the feedback you give to your therapist. Once your therapist knows your experience, thoughts, and feelings, he or she has the opportunity to respond effectively, make any necessary adjustments, and this ensures you can get the quality care you want and need.

With the right approach, you can make effective and lasting changes when returning to therapy, learning new and valuable skills that lead to a more rewarding and satisfying way of life.

Remember, life is too short to just survive, that’s why I help people thrive. I’m Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando, licensed psychologist. Thank you for reading and best wishes to you in making the lasting changes you want.

 


Name that Emotion

We’ve all got things to do and people to see. Who needs unwanted emotions slowing us down? Just ignore them, and maybe they’ll go away. Right?

Here’s the hitch: emotions are hard-wired into our human experience. In other words, emotions are part of us and the more we push them away, the louder they become. When we deny and try to block out emotions, we starve them until the emotional hunger pains are so strong, we become overwhelmed with unruly, overbearing, unable-to-control feelings.  You know, that moment someone asks you something harmless like to pass the salt, and you completely lose your cool? When we suppress or don’t acknowledge emotions, they bubble up, and like water boiling in a covered pot with the burner on high, eventually they’re going to blow.

The solution? Don’t ignore the monster!

Emotions grow to become monsters when we ignore them, push through them, judge them and just plain do whatever it takes to try not to feel them. There is a better way! The next time you feel an unpleasant emotion, try noticing it and putting a name to it.

Scientists call this affect labeling. It goes something like this:

  • I am noticing a feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I’m nervous.
  • I feel a lifting, light feeling in my chest and shoulders. I’m happy.
  • I feel like it’s hard to move. I notice that I’m slumped and don’t feel like doing anything. I’m sad.
  • I can’t believe that guy just cut me off. I’m irritated.

When we give our emotion a name, it starts the process of calming it down. Instead of pushing the feelings away, we pay attention and engage our intellect to give it a name. Once emotions are acknowledged and paid attention to, they start to digest and let go of their grip. Relief can get his foot in the door, and we initiate the process of regulating emotions and feeling more in control.

 

Brain imaging studies explain the science behind affect labeling: When we experience an emotion, a part of our brain called the amygdala, gets activated. When our amygdala is very active and fired up, it is hard to access the reasoning part of our brain, the frontal lobes.

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When we use techniques like affect labeling, we begin to activate our frontal lobes (the organizing, planning, thinking-through part of the brain) and de-activate the amygdala (the “OMG!” emotional part of the brain).

 

How to become Happy, Breaking through an Obstacle, Orinda Psychologist, Lafayette Psychologist, Berkeley Psychologist, Oakland Psychologist, Moraga, Alamo

 

PRACTICE:

The next time you are “freaking out” or “stressed” or just “feeling off,” try getting specific. What emotion are you feeling? Can you put a label on it?

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Now, reinforce yourself by checking out the Reinforcement Practice Sheet and get some suggestions on how to reinforce yourself. You’ve just taken the first step toward processing and letting go of that unpleasant emotion.

LIFE’S TOO SHORT JUST TO SURVIVE. THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!


A Call for Nonjudgment

Given our country’s and the world’s current political and social climate, at times, it can feel like pain is all that exists. Daily reports of heinous acts causing harm and terror bombard our senses whether in the media, our real life, or both. Devastation and anger in response to feeling helpless to stop the madness are completely valid, and it can feel nearly impossible to practice being nonjudgmental.

 

This begs the question: Why practice nonjudgment?

 

Since nonjudgment is an essential component to mindfulness and everything I teach is rooted in the practice of mindfulness, this query has come up many times for me personally as well as with my clients.

 

What is the point of being (or practicing moving toward being) nonjudgmental?

 

Nonjudgment means describing things as they are, without adding opinions or evaluations. In other words, nonjudgment = truth.

 

Example:

Judgment: That man is a horribly rude, insensitive person.

Nonjudgment: That man pushed me aside, went in front of me in line, did not apologize or acknowledge his actions to me, and then left.

 

Do you see the difference? In the judgmental example, we have little information about the man or what happened. Being nonjudgmental gave us much more depth of information and understanding.

 

Let’s take this a step further. In addition to being able to comprehend what exactly happened, being nonjudgmental gives us two other gifts:

  1. The gift of being able to diffuse our emotion (in this case, probably anger).
  2. The gift of moving into compassionate, effective action.

 

If we believe that someone is a rude, insensitive person, we will treat him as such. Our minds are made up. He is rude, and there is no reason to treat him with any kindness, understanding or even courtesy.

 

If, however, we believe that someone engaged in behavior that caused us or others harm, this speaks to the specific behavior, rather than the person, and gives us room to react with compassionate, effective action. If I can practice adopting this nonjudgmental stance, I can respond in a way that is effective for my goals. I may be able to stand up for myself, tell the man I was in front of him in line and assert myself to be served next. I may be able to look him in the eye, tell him that he pushed me, that it took me off guard, and have a conversation about what happened and how we can resolve this. I may be better able to treat him as another valid human being who did something I don’t like and then go about solving the problem. There is no room for this if I maintain a judgmental stance. In my judgmental attitude, the man deserves to be dismissed, written off, and devalued. When this is my intent, there is no room for change. Judgment leaves no space for the possibility of a different interaction between the two of us.

 

Nonjudgment expresses the truth and allows for the possibility of another experience.

 

Now imagine applying the practice of nonjudgment to bigger issues that cause pain in your life or our world. How might things go differently if we practiced approaching them with nonjudgment, and therefore, compassionate and effective action? How can you practice this today?

 

Before attempting to apply the skill of nonjudgment to large issues in your life, start practicing with more every day, mundane, non-emotionally evocative situations. This approach will help you build the muscle of nonjudgment and then gradually apply this stance to larger, more important events in your life and the world around you.

 

If you are interested in developing the skill of nonjudgment, here are some steps to get you started.

 

  1. Write out a few sentences describing how your day has gone so far. Don’t censor yourself. Write how you think and feel, what you like and don’t like.

 

  1. Take a look at what you’ve written and draw a line through any judgments (e.g., good/bad, right/wrong, should/should not), opinions, or evaluations you notice.

 

  1. Practice re-writing the statement using descriptive, nonjudgmental language (as in the example given earlier in this article). Try to describe with as much factual detail as possible, leaving out opinions, evaluations, and assessment. Just the facts.

 

  1. Notice the difference between your original, more judgmental sentences, and your revised nonjudgmental statement. How is it different? Is the nonjudgmental statement more factual, or does it give more information? Do you feel differently when reading the judgmental vs. the nonjudgmental statement? How might you respond differently to the events of your day with these two different perspectives?

LIFE’S TOO SHORT JUST TO SURVIVE. THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!


HOW TO FIND A RESULTS-ORIENTED THERAPIST

Maybe you have never been in therapy. Perhaps you have been in therapy, and it hasn’t gotten you the results you’d hoped.  This time, you want to try something a little bit different. You may even have a particular goal(s) and know what it is that you want to change. Now come the questions, “How do I get the results I want?” and, “Who is the best person to help me?” Despite the consumer-savvy world we live in, there is little information on how to find a therapist, let alone how to find a therapist who will truly help you achieve real results and change your life in the way that you want.

Here, you will find a five-step process to help you find a therapist who will help you achieve the goals you want to reach. Stop wasting time, money and effort with treatment that doesn’t work. Set yourself on the path to success today!

 

  1. Get COMFORTABLE. – Going to therapy can be a hard process, requiring courage to step outside of your comfort zone and ask for help. At times, therapy asks you to be quite vulnerable, talking with another person about your deepest, most private experiences. Treatment often requires you to be super uncomfortable, and even want to temporarily squirm out of your skin or run for the door. After all, you are in therapy to get help with areas that are likely challenging and possibly, quite painful. To venture to feel this awkward and uneasy, you must first be comfortable! It is so important that you are at ease in the presence of your new therapist and feel understood and not at all judged. In other words, think about whether this is a person to whom you would want to open up.
    • Ask for a PHONE CONSULTATION to get a feel for the therapist. Most therapists will agree to talk to you for a free, 10-15 minute phone consultation. During this meeting, you can give the therapist an idea of what you want help with and hear his or her response. It is important to ask questions and leave time for the therapist to talk so that you can start to assess your feel for this clinician’s competency and ability to help you. Trust your instincts. The therapist should give you a choice (or you can ask) whether you want to schedule an in-person appointment right then and there, want time to think about it, or do not believe that this therapist is a good fit for you.
    • MEET IN PERSON with the idea that you are still evaluating whether this professional is a good fit for your needs. During the first session, the therapist will likely ask you questions about why you are seeking therapy and many other detailed questions about yourself and your treatment goals. The more open you are will help you to experience how the clinician responds to you and gives you the opportunity to evaluate your comfort level with this person. Their response will provide valuable information about whether you would like to proceed or seek another’s help instead.

 

  1. Ask for a CASE FORMULATION. – A results-oriented therapist will be able to discuss their conceptualization of your problem(s) and what is currently missing for you to reach your goals. Likely, this won’t be obvious information that you already know. Rather, it should add more information to your understanding of your stuck point(s) and show you that this person has the education and experience to understand your particular problem area(s) expertly. Think of the analogy of visiting a medical doctor (M.D.). You may report your symptoms (e.g., poor digestion, feeling light-headed) and the doctor will not simply repeat your symptoms back to you: “You have poor digestion and feel light headed. That must be hard.” They will tell you, based on their evaluation (e.g., examining your vitals, blood tests), what is wrong (e.g., “You have high blood sugar.” “Your thyroid is malfunctioning.”). You can expect this same kind of expert information regarding your psychological and emotional health as well. A results-oriented mental health professional will not only repeat your complaints back to you; they will add information to fully conceptualize what is contributing to the problem and why you need help in solving it. For example, you may report repeated over-eating and sudden emotional outbursts. The results-oriented clinician may suggest after their assessment (e.g., conversation with you, standardized questionnaires), they believe these problems come from deficits in understanding how to change behaviors and regulate emotions successfully.1 The results-oriented therapist will explain this to you in detail and discuss precisely how this affects you. This explanation will be in language you understand, and the conceptualization should make sense to you. If you think the therapist is off-base, does not accurately comprehend your problem, or cannot communicate in a way that you understand and agree with, openly discuss this with him or her. If you still cannot come to an agreement, it may be time to interview another therapist for your treatment needs.

 

  1. Ask for a TREATMENT PLAN, including TREATMENT GOALS, prognosis, and length of therapy. – Just as your general medical practitioner will give you an idea of your treatment options, likely results, rate of recovery, and time needed to achieve these results, you can also expect this from a results-oriented therapist. For example, a clinician may tell you that in the first three sessions2, the two of you will collaborate to reach a case formulation. At that point (by the third session) the therapist will make a treatment recommendation. They will talk with you in detail about how the treatment he/she is recommending addresses your particular problem(s), will help you reach your goals, and the time you should expect to devote to attain this outcome, including frequency and length of sessions, and expected length of time in therapy. Alternatively, at the third session, the therapist may refer you to another professional with the expertise to help you meet your goals if you and the clinician have determined that is what is needed. Again, think of the M.D. If blood tests reveal you have a thyroid problem that is relatively simple and straightforward, the doctor may express this to you and lay out a treatment plan. If, however, the problem seems more complicated, the M.D. may then refer you to an endocrinologist or another specialist to help you achieve your health goals. Defining treatment goals in therapy is important because these goals will help you know if you are making progress and whether the therapy is working.

 

  1. Understand how you and your therapist will MONITOR TREATMENT PROGRESS and ask for HOMEWORK. – How will you know whether you are moving toward your treatment goals and making progress? This is a question a results-oriented therapist will be able to answer with clarity.
  • Together, you and your therapist may choose to use standardized measures of symptoms or progress and chart them on a graph, making sure your symptoms are decreasing, and skills needed are increasing. You may also choose to track behavioral markers, such as how often per week you are engaging in a particular behavior or have the urge to do so. Successful treatment would show a decrease in those behaviors (and possibly urges) the therapist has agreed to help you decrease (e.g., over-eating). You will also see an increase in the behaviors moving you toward your treatment goals (e.g., taking three breaths before a meal, stopping eating your meal when you experience a feeling of satiation regardless of the quantity of food left). Your therapist may ask you to chart each time you have the urge to or actually engage in these behaviors in between sessions to track your progress.
  • PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and then, you guessed it, more PRACTICE is needed to make changes and reach your goals. Homework will always be present in results-oriented therapy. Homework doesn’t mean that you will be sent off to write a 5-page paper about what you learned. Rather, therapy homework is a way for you to put into practice what you are learning in therapy. Typically, therapy sessions last about 50 minutes once per week. What about the other six days of the week and 24 hours each day? 50 minutes is not going to change your life in the way that you want. A results oriented therapist will send you home with something to practice (e.g., filling out a worksheet about a skill you learned at your session, practice saying “no” and noticing in detail the thoughts that come into your head or sensations in your body). If you want results, you must practice. Change does not happen in our thinking. Change happens when we do things differently over and over and over again. If you want results, ask for homework!

 

  1. CONTINUE TO EVALUATE, on an on-going basis, whether your treatment is helping you move toward your goals and achieve the results you want. A results-oriented therapist will regularly review treatment progress with you using the techniques described in Step 4. Therapy is not meant to be life-long. Remember, you are hiring a professional to help you reach specifically-defined treatment goals. At some point, if therapy is working (as you are carefully monitoring), you will have achieved those goals and will either want to develop new treatment goals or decrease the frequency of your contact with this clinician or terminate your treatment.

 

Therapy can be an enriching, life-changing experience if you choose an effective treatment. Use the five steps above to help you get the help you need and deserve, and start shifting from surviving to thriving today!

 

NOTES

 

  1. This is provided as an example only and does not imply that all causes of over-eating or emotional lability come from the same source. These statements are meant to clarify the topics addressed in this article, not to assess or diagnose.

 

  1. Not all clinicians assess within one to three sessions. This is meant as an example only. Please check with the therapist you plan to see about their individual policy and of course, ensure that it makes sense and is reasonable to you.

Frequently Asked Questions:

  • What is the difference between a Ph.D., Psy.D., LMFT, LCSW, MFTi, etc., and will it affect the quality of my treatment?

A Ph.D. and Psy.D. both have doctorate degrees in psychology. LMFTs and LCSWs have a  master’s degree. A Psychological Assistant (someone with a doctorate who is not yet licensed) and MFTi (Marriage and Family Therapist intern) indicate this person is still in training and under supervision before they can become licensed. While the degree itself may show different types of training and specialties, what is usually more informative is how the therapist works with their clients. I have results-oriented colleagues with LMFT and LCSW licenses who work similarly to myself and other contemporaries who have doctorate-level training. I also have met professionals with doctorates who are not results-oriented and do more of a supportive-type therapy. In my opinion, if you follow the five steps laid out in this article, you will significantly increase the likelihood that you will work with a therapist who will help get the results you want, regardless of their type of license. Trainees can also be good options. I personally would choose to work with a Psychological Assistant or MFTi if they met all of my requirements in the 5-steps to finding a results-oriented therapist. The quality of work a therapist demonstrates to me is more important than where they are in their education and whether they have a master’s or doctorate degree. One caveat: if your problem is quite complicated and you have been to several clinicians before who haven’t helped, you may need a skilled and seasoned eye and choose a therapist who has some years of experience under his/her belt.

 

  • Should I look for a therapist with a particular theoretical orientation?

Some of my results-oriented colleagues may argue that it is imperative to receive treatment from someone doing “evidence-based therapy,” such as cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT). I like to be careful about making this generalization. There are certainly CBT practitioners who are results-oriented, and there are those who are not. Because someone professes to work under a particular modality is not an assurance that they do. More relevant is whether the therapist helps you develop treatment goals, assigns homework, monitors your progress, etc. I am less inclined to be concerned about the modality and more interested that the therapist can give you evidence that their treatment recommendation(s) works (has been researched to be effective) and the way the therapist is applying the treatment to your problem makes logical sense to you.

 

  • What if my therapist tells me that being uncomfortable with him/her or wanting to leave therapy is as a result of my problem(s) and I should not act on this?

This answer is not a straightforward “stay” or “leave.” Rather, it is a more nuanced answer: Use your WISDOM. On the one hand, if this is a new therapist, it is important to be comfortable and feel at ease in his or her presence right away. (See Step 1.) You will already be challenging yourself to grow in various ways throughout your treatment; no need to do this with the relationship with your therapist. I have talked to countless people who have stayed with a therapist they didn’t like or felt uneasy around because they assumed they (the client) were at fault and there was something wrong with them that they felt this way. I previously had a personal experience visiting a therapist with whom I was uncomfortable. I told her so, and she stated that she thought this meant I had significant problems with intimacy and needed to sit physically closer to her than I was comfortable with and work through the problems in my relationship with her. At that moment, I felt ashamed and unsure of myself. After leaving the session, and discussing it with a loved one, I determined that the only relationship in my life that I was having a significant problem with and wanted to get out of was the one with my therapist. I left, found a new therapist who I was immediately comfortable with, and therapy was successful. I have heard some version of this story from many clients about their past therapy, and often, once they remove themselves from that clinician, they find much success moving toward their goals with much more ease. On the other hand, it could be useful to ask yourself if your therapist has a point. Does this reaction toward your therapist happen in many other relationships? After visiting a few therapists, do you feel this same way about each of them? If so, you may want to consider whether this is something you want to target (work on) in therapy and may decide to stick with this therapist. You may want to consult with a trusted loved one and get some help tuning into your WISDOM to make this decision. Also, remember Step 5 and to continuously evaluate whether this treatment is helping you.


PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

I heard that you might want to make some changes to become happier and more fulfilled.

Well, what are you waiting for?! Just do it! Do it now! Go! Start! Fast! Come on! What’s wrong with you?! Get it done!

That approach of hammering and berating yourself is not effective. In fact, it is quite unmotivating, especially in the long-term.

Did you know that it is scientifically impossible to simply change and create a whole new way of being suddenly and without practice?

Imagine you want to become a professional golfer. You decided one day that would be something you would like to do. So, you told yourself, “Just do it! It’s a matter of will. If I want it bad enough, I can have it. Just do it!” What then? Would you expect yourself, never having hit a golf ball, to go out the next day and successfully compete against Tiger Woods? Of course not. You know that is impossible.

Yet, we do this to ourselves all the time. We decide that we want to eat healthier, exercise more, act differently in our relationships, and we tell ourselves to “just do it!” Then we slip into behaving the same old way that didn’t work before and believe we have done something wrong and somehow should have gotten different results. What we are missing here is that change requires skill and

DEVELOPING A SKILL REQUIRES PRACTICE!

 Not just practice, but PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and then some more PRACTICE.

You can start PRACTICING new behaviors to start to change your life today. Here are FIVE STEPS for successful practice:

  1. Think about what you want and make sure it is something that YOU want. (Not something you think you “should” want or a way that others believe you “should” behave.)

EXAMPLES: You want to feel healthy and vibrant in your body and want to change your eating to achieve this. (You do NOT set out to change your diet because someone told you that you should.)

  1. Now, think about some action steps that might be needed for you to be on the path toward what you want. Keep these actions steps simple and easy enough for you to do them in real time.

EXAMPLES: mindfully eat a nourishing meal, go for a walk, take a breath before responding when irritated, go to bed before midnight

  1. Write these action steps into your personal Reinforcement Practice Sheet (CLICK HERE).
  2. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and then PRACTICE engaging in these behaviors whenever you can.
  3. Rather than focusing on or mentally beating yourself up for when you are not practicing, focus your mind on when you do PRACTICE, and reinforce it. (Use the Reinforcement Practice Sheet for ideas.)

Most importantly, give yourself a break! Smile, laugh, understand that you are human, and revel in the imperfections along the way. (More on this in a future newsletter.)

LIFE’S TOO SHORT JUST TO SURVIVE. THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!


REINFORCEMENT is the most effective way to achieve lasting change.

If you know or have worked with me, you have most probably heard me say that REINFORCEMENT is the most effective way to achieve lasting change. Years of research and over a decade of my own professional and personal practice have shown this to be true again and again. When you want to change behavior, define steps toward your goals (that are possible for you to take) and reinforce them over and over again. Then what? Well, then it gets interesting.

As it turns out, change is not a linear process. Progress does not happen in a straight, upward moving way. It does NOT look like this:

How to Change, Orinda, Danville, Overcoming Depression, Berkeley, Oakland, individual counseling, psychologist, lifestyle change, breaking through obstacles

 

Even powerfully reinforcing a behavior does not produce change in an upward, no mistakes fashion. We do not go from eating processed food that drains our energy to reinforcing whole foods eating and suddenly, in 10 days, reform our eating for life, with no going back. Change just doesn’t work like that.

Rather, change is messy and looks more like this:

How to Change, Orinda, Danville, Overcoming Depression, Berkeley, Oakland, individual counseling, psychologist, lifestyle change, breaking through obstacles

What this means is that we will inevitably slip back into old, ineffective behaviors. Most of the time, you WILL go back to engaging in behaviors that you would like to stop. Even if you follow behavior-change protocols to a perfect “T”, you will find yourself engaging in old, ineffective behavior at some point. You will eat that food that drains your energy, blow off that walk to watch TV, stay up later and get less rest than you know you need.

My message to you is this: Be ENCOURAGED by this part of the change process!

Let’s look back at the messy model of change. The green line going through the graph represents the slope of the line or the rate of change. Notice that although there were setbacks in progress along the way, overall, progress is upward moving!

How to Change, Orinda, Danville, Overcoming Depression, Berkeley, Oakland, individual counseling, psychologist, lifestyle change, breaking through obstacles

Going back to old behaviors is part of the process of change, not failure! Going backward momentarily can mean that progress is happening. You are headed in the right direction and engaging in old, ineffective behaviors is part of making the changes you want. Now that you know this, you can give up on the illusion of perfection.

Isn’t that empowering?!

You can anticipate this process and give yourself a break when it happens. Instead of judging yourself, giving yourself a mental slap with harsh self-critical thinking, or giving up, you can reinforce yourself for noticing when you’ve gotten off track and decide the most effective step to take next. “Failure” is an opportunity to notice, reinforce, take a small step toward the path you want to be on, and reinforce! Practice this over and over and over until the practice becomes what you automatically do.

The more you engage in this cycle,

How to Change, Orinda, Danville, Overcoming Depression, Berkeley, Oakland, individual counseling, psychologist, lifestyle change, breaking through obstacles

the sooner you will notice lasting change happen and stick. Remember, going back to your old ways is a part of change, not failure! What happens is that the more we notice we’ve reverted to old ways, reinforce our noticing, and get back on track, the sooner we will get back on course and more quickly reach our goals.

Keep going, keep practicing and try to enjoy and laugh in the process.

Remember, life’s too short just to survive. That’s why I help people THRIVE!


© 2017 Amanda Gale Bando Phd · Designed and Developed by D-Kode Technology

Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando

Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando