April Newsletter

April Newsletter Dr. Bando

April is the quarter-mile mark. We officially have 25% of 2019 in our rearview. This is a good time of year to ask yourself how it’s going – though I suppose the answer depends on what measurement tool you use.

The “compare-yourself-to-someone-else” ruler is usually inaccurate, either underestimating or overemphasizing challenges and accomplishments alike. Rather, how are you doing compared to last year, last month, last week, or even yesterday?

If you notice an improvement, capitalize on your progress by taking time to note what is working, and be intentional about continuing on this path. If you identify being in a worse, less desirable place in life than you were, what got you here?

With curiosity and nonjudgment, can you describe what is not working? Can you articulate what you need to move toward positive change? What steps are necessary to turn you toward your ideal path?

My article and practice this month are about tuning in to your experiences and needs, and focusing yourself on personal responsibility as a way to build more of the life you desire. Both my article and featured professional are geared to help you understand how taking that step towards personal responsibility can make all the difference in the world.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu

 

FEATURED ARTICLE:

Personal Responsibility Article
The Importance of Personal Responsibility

How often have you been driving and thought: “If that car in front of me would just move out of the way, I could get where I’m going faster?”  

These kinds of thoughts cross my mind often. If that car would move, or if that person would stop using that tone with me, or if so-and-so wouldn’t put me in an awkward position or “make me feel” a certain way, life would be grand!

All of these statements, however, communicate to your brain that your wellbeing is dependent upon someone else.

Let’s break this down . . .    continue reading

FEATURED BLOG/PROFESSIONAL:

Featured Professional Jordan Peterson

Jordan B. Peterson

When focusing on personal responsibility, there is no better colleague to feature than Dr. Jordan B. Peterson. Dr. Peterson was a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto until his straightforward, common sense, and psychologically smart teaching points landed him under attack in the media. Dr. Peterson has been lied about, falsely accused, and physically threatened, all for asserting his firm philosophical belief that freedom of language is essential to ideas and intellectual discourse.

Now a public speaker and author of a multi-million-copy bestseller. Dr. Peterson is a prime example of living your truth despite whatever comes your way, and accepting personal responsibility for your life and choices. I find Dr. Peterson a bright light with qualities to aspire to, and I hope you do as well.

For an example of what Dr. Peterson has to say, check out this video: https://youtu.be/o73pqQ9Gzt4

Visit Dr. Peterson’s website: https://jordanbpeterson.com


WANT MORE?

My articles are always available for you to read and listen to at your convenience. My written articles can be found on my website, and the audio versions can be found on either my YouTube or Soundcloud pages.


PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE…

My guided meditations and practices are available in audio form – all for free! If you would like to enhance your mindfulness practice, experience this month’s or any recent offerings, click here!


LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO JUST SURVIVE.
THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!

I hope you enjoyed this article! If you would like to become a subscriber to my monthly newsletter, you can do so by clicking the SUBSCRIBE button at the top of the page.
Amanda Gale-Bando, Ph.D.


Personal Responsibility

The Importance of Personal ResponsibilityPersonal Responsibility Article

How often have you been driving and thought: “If that car in front of me would just move out of the way, I could get where I’m going faster?”

These kinds of thoughts cross my mind often. If that car would move, or if that person would stop using that tone with me, or if so-and-so wouldn’t put me in an awkward position or “make me feel” a certain way, life would be grand!

All of these statements, however, communicate to your brain that your wellbeing is dependent upon someone else.

Let’s break this down… When I say that I want someone else to change their behavior, I am really saying that I don’t like how I feel – and I don’t know what to do about it. I want someone else to change so I can feel better.

Essentially, I have taken all of my “power chips” and handed them over for someone else to manage my life. Let’s look at an example:

I was recently at an airport, and the people in front of me in the security line were taking for-ev-er. One person took a shoe off and gently placed it on the conveyer belt – so slowly that I wondered if she ever intended on having the other shoe join its mate. The gentleman behind her agreed with this pace…

With all of us in line waiting, he leisurely drank his water before proceeding with the security routine. Man, did I have judgments! My head (and facial expressions) were screaming, “Have you never been in a security line?! We are all waiting! How rude! Hustle, hustle, hustle! Knees to chest, people! Get moving!”

I was so invested in their obvious-to-me socially unacceptable behavior that by the time I got through the line, I was huffing and puffing, wondering what could ever possess people to be so inconsiderate. Because of them, I had a stressful experience, and had to rush to my gate despite arriving at the airport in what I thought left plenty of time. I was irritated, and I placed all of the blame on the other people in the security line.

In short, what I believed at that moment was:

If they changed their behavior, I could feel better.

Wow, that is a loaded statement! By going down this train of thought (with my emotions quickly following), I just invested in the belief that someone else is responsible for how I feel.

Ugh, no wonder I was frustrated and felt powerless. In this experience, I believed I had fallen victim to someone else’s ignorance. Notice those words? Powerless. Victim.

Now, you might think that this was such a minor incident, how could this really affect how I feel about myself or my place in the world? You also might agree with the judgments I made about the slow-movers at the airport and share my frustration…

Well, the beliefs that we invest our time, thinking, and behavior into are important. They inform the blueprint of how we see ourselves in the world, and how we show up for life… And here’s the rub:

When you expect others to take care of you:

  • You cheat the relationship, and you cheat yourself
  • Your confidence dwindles
  • You begin to believe you cannot do hard things

When you expect others to regulate themselves so you feel better, you burden the other person with the expectation that it is their responsibility to make you feel differently than you do Deep down, nobody wants this responsibility. It is an unwelcome gift. Even if the recipient saddles up and takes responsibility for how you feel, resentment is likely to build. The other person has just received a weight that is too heavy for them to bear.

They have also received the inferred message that you are unable to meet your needs and regulate yourself – so you subtly lose some of their respect.

When you hand over your feel-good expectations to someone else, you cheat yourself by giving yourself the message that you can’t handle the responsibility. Someone else needs to ride in on a white horse and rescue you, all because you are not whole enough to handle things on your own.

When you use phrases such as, “so-and-so made me feel [fill in the blank with a favorite icky-feeling emotion],” it is like a slowly dripping faucet of self-disrespect. You may not feel the impact of the first drop, but eventually, the sink fills up, and you’ve got a big, sloshy pool of belief that others hold the power to “make you feel” – and you become a victim to their behavior.

Talk about a confidence buster!

When you repeatedly tell yourself that others are making you feel a certain way, or thinking that if others would behave differently, that would solve your distressing emotions, you are also telling yourself that you cannot do hard things.

This is one of the most dangerous messages for you to believe! Resilience is built upon knowing that you can do hard things, that you can roll with whatever life throws your way, and that you know as long as you are in your own corner, you’ve got this life thing!

When you start to lose sight of this fact by hoping others will change their behaviors to “make you feel” better, you are in serious trouble.

On the other hand:

When you look for (and accept) your responsibility and volition in all situations, you gain:

  • A sense of empowerment
  • More mutually rewarding relationships
  • Self-confidence and self-respect

If, in the airport, I had noticed my thoughts, “Damn these people for making me anxious and uncomfortable!” here’s how I could have responded:

“Uh-oh, did I just say someone else is ‘making me feel?’ Okay, it’s time for me to get to work here.”

STEP 1: NOTICE AND LABEL when you have just handed over the responsibility for how you feel to someone else.

STEP 2: FOCUS INWARD and QUESTION. Questions I might ask myself include:

  • “What am I feeling in my body?”
  • “What emotion is this I’m feeling right now?”
  • “What about this situation is making me uncomfortable, instead of the many other situations I’ve been through today that I haven’t focused on this intently?”
  • “What interpretation am I having of others’ behaviors in this situation?”
  • “Are there other possible perspectives here?”

This inward focus immediately grows your sense of self-respect and responsibility for your own experience. First of all, you receive the message (from yourself) that you are worth paying attention to – and that your experience is significant enough for you to focus all of your attention in this moment.

Second, by observing yourself in this way, you unglue from your interpretations and reactions and start getting reflective, leading you to other possible experiences. Third, this step is hard – and when you practice turning toward yourself in this way, you learn that you can do it. You gain confidence in your ability to tackle your unchecked reactions.

While you are building all this empowerment, self-confidence, and self-respect, you are also improving your relationship with the other people in the situation!

If I had put this into practice in the security line, I wouldn’t have glared, sighed, rolled my eyes, and in general, treated others with contempt. Perhaps I could have let others have their experiences and I mine, and focused on what I needed in that situation, which brings us to…

STEP 3: IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS and RESPOND. If I had asked myself what I needed in that moment, regardless of others’ behavior, I probably could have used some deep, slow breaths, stopped fidgeting (which was fueling my frustration), and maybe talked to someone or texted a friend for a brief distraction.

Maybe all I needed was to acknowledge that I felt frustrated, that my interpretation was that I was being disrespected, and I would have been able to let it go. Perhaps I would have decided to ask for the people in front of me to move more quickly, or request they let me go in front of them. The point is that I did not ask myself what I needed, so I did not receive the message that I cared about what I needed… And I certainly was not able to provide it for myself.

Even so, I still have…

STEP 4: REFLECT. Although I am not proud of my behavior in the airport, and it is not a representation of how I wish to walk through the world, I can still face it and move forward.

Notice your ineffective behaviors in retrospect, and walk yourself through what went wrong. Thinking about how it could go differently the next time, as I just did, facilitates change. After this exercise, I can tell you with 99% certainty that the next time I am frustrated in a security line, I will think of this example. When you wake up to the moment, you have a chance to make a choice and do things differently.

 

Here is a practice for what to do when you believe someone is making you feel a particular way:

A PRACTICE IN PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

(Listen to this practice on YouTube)

First, let’s take a moment to settle into this present moment. Let’s put our attention on a few things that are right here, right now, starting from the outside in. First, take a look around you, noticing the shapes, colors, light, and dark. Take a moment to notice where you are, using a beginner’s mind, and take in the environment around you.

Now, turn your attention toward sounds. Place your attention on your ears and notice any sounds or silence that floats through your attention.

Now, can you notice your body? Perhaps you can notice the bottom of your feet on the floor, the parts of your body touching another object, like a chair or your clothes. Begin to notice parts of your body in contact with other objects.

And finally, bring your attention to your breath. You do not need to alter or change your breath. Simply notice that you are breathing, in and out. Notice the quality and length of your breath, knowing there is no way your breath is supposed to be in this moment, and just allow your breath to flow, however it is occurring right now.

Now, shift your attention to a recent time you believed someone “made you feel” a particular way. It could be that you were annoyed waiting in a line or sitting in traffic, or perhaps you had an argument with a loved one. Whatever the situation, bring it as vividly as you can into your mind’s eye.

Now, pay careful attention. Focus on the point when you had the experience that this person was “making you feel” a certain way, or thought that if this person changed their behavior, you would feel differently. Say to yourself, “Ah, I just handed over responsibility for how I feel to someone else.” That’s STEP 1. You just practiced the skill, NOTICE AND LABEL. Instead of being a slave to your reaction, you’ve gained some wiggle room for a different experience to emerge!

Let’s practice STEP 2: FOCUS INWARD and QUESTION. First, put on your curious, nonjudgmental cap and start investigating. This is the part where you act like a scientist and explore what was going on for you, in your body, in the moment that you gave responsibility for yourself away. If you’d like to pause here and give yourself some time to reflect or write, please do so!

Some questions you can ask are:

  • “What am I feeling in my body as I am recalling this moment?”
  • “What emotion am I feeling?”
  • “What about this situation made me uncomfortable?”
  • “What interpretation am I having of others’ behavior in this situation?”
  • “Are there other possible perspectives here?”

Another helpful practice during STEP 2 is to write out just the facts on one side of a paper, and your interpretations, opinions, and evaluations of the facts on the other side of the paper. This is an exercise in separating the facts from your personal experience.

You may decide to pause and spend some more time on STEP 2. It is important to understand your experience with some clarity before you are able to move on to STEP 3: IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS and RESPOND. Given your new, more complete understanding of the experience by completing STEP 2, you can now ask yourself what you needed in that moment.

A helpful way of asking can be, “Given everything as it was in that moment, and given that I cannot change others’ behaviors, what did I need?”

You can ask yourself, “How may I have responded to myself if I were able to attend to my needs and take care of myself in that moment?” Now, your job is to listen. Give yourself the space to hear about your needs.

By engaging in this practice, you have already completed STEP 4: REFLECT. By taking the time to reflect on this situation, you have set the stage to do it differently next time. By engaging in this exercise, you have given yourself the message that you matter and are worth the time.

You have also taken a stand. You will engage with yourself and others with integrity. Don’t expect it to be perfect… That’s life! It’s an eventful journey of learning. You can keep practicing, and you will start to notice your relationships, both with yourself and others, shift for the better.

Come back to this any time you need it – and please, keep practicing!


March Newsletter


In just a couple of short days, Spring will officially be upon us. This change in season, with its blooming flowers, and new foliage on trees, tends to revitalize many people. It is a time to shed winter clothes, shake off the cob webs, and take care of those projects that have been put off for the last few months.

For some, it is difficult to shake that winter bleh. I have even known someone who has seasonal depression in reverse. When others are brightening up in the Spring weather, he withers, feeling more pressure to feel sunny, and becomes down in the dumps as a result.

If you feel the pressure of being bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for Spring, read on! Even if you do feel revitalized, I have included a practice in this month’s edition that is invaluable for year round well-being.

In this newsletter, I continue my series on Chronic Illness and Mental Health. With an estimated 45% of Americans suffering with some sort of chronic illness, chances are that either you or someone you know are struggling. In part 3 of this series, I discuss Diagnostic Problems and Invalidation. This month’s guided practice focuses on SELF-VALIDATION, one of the most effective tools for quality of life, chronic illness or not. Also, meet the inspirational Elana Amsterdam, a NY Times Best Selling Cookbook Author who also suffers from Celiac Disease and Multiple Sclerosis.

Whether Spring makes you sing or your tune fizzles out, please know we are in this together! We are all doing our very best as we navigate our way through this messy, challenging, wonderful life. I truly believe life is way too short just to survive, that’s why I help people thrive! Happy Spring!


FEATURED ARTICLE

Chronic Illness and Mental Health Part 3: Diagnostic Problems/Invalidation


Autoimmune and other disorders that may present with vague or a diffuse cluster of symptoms, or are difficult to diagnose, seem to be at an all-time high. The American Autoimmune Related Diseases Association estimates that approximately 50 million Americans live with an autoimmune disorder. On the other hand, the National Institutes of Health, also a reliable source of information, claims that only 23.5 million Americans suffer from an autoimmune disorder. The NIH recognizes less than half of what is reported by the AARDA. Why the discrepancy? NIH funded studies include only 24 diseases/disorders, while recent studies by the AARDA now include upwards of 80 to 100 diseases/disorders. Research is ever-evolving and it is hard to keep up!

You can see why chronic illness may be a confusing subject for so many people when two reputable organizations who lead our understanding of what diseases exist, supply different numbers based on what they consider to be different facts. Currently, conventional Western medicine does not seem to know how to detect or diagnose many of these diseases accurately.

Continue reading


FEATURED PROFESSIONAL

Meet the beautiful and inspiring, Elana Amsterdam; health blogger and author of three cookbooks geared towards the support of health and healing.

Often, when clients of mine have been diagnosed with a chronic illness, they struggle with the question of what their life will look like going forward. It is because of people like Elana that I can continue to offer them hope and encouragement. Rather than shirking into the darkness of chronic illness symptoms, Elana states, “My goal was simple. To be of service.”

In addition to her books and the many free and autoimmune-friendly recipes she makes available on her website, Elana shares her struggles and successes of living with MS with her readers and also promotes and volunteers for non-profit organizations she believes in.

What I love about Elana:

  • Her candor. She does not sugar coat the experience of living with chronic illness. She shares her struggles in a relatable way that preserves the truth without getting caught in the bell jar.
  • She LIVES with chronic illness, not suffers.
  • Her RECIPES!!! OMG, does this lady know how to cook. She has certainly spiced up my gluten/processed-free kitchen and brought bread back to my life whenever I want it. (Did I mention she has tons of Paleo and Keto recipes? AND you can search for recipes on her site by special diet requirements.)
  • She gives back. Before I ever spent one dime on purchasing her cookbooks, I benefitted from her tasty recipes and bright Instagram posts. Her life purpose of being of service shines through – anyone who is interested can benefit from Elana. She is a contributor.

You can read a piece of her story here.


WANT MORE?
My articles are always available for you to read and listen to at your convenience. My written articles can be found on my website, and the audio versions can be found on either my YouTube or Soundcloud pages.


LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO JUST SURVIVE.
THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!

I hope you enjoyed this article! If you would like to become a subscriber to my monthly newsletter, you can do so by clicking the SUBSCRIBE button at the top of the page.
Amanda Gale-Bando, Ph.D.


February Newsletter

Use Valentine’s Day as a nudge to practice self-caring!

February is here and whether you buy into the commercialized holiday or not, I like to view this as a time to think about and celebrate love. Love is a healing, warming, nourishing emotion. Independent of others, love is an emotion that is available to us whenever we need or want it; It may just require a bit of practice.
Self-love and self-compassion are essential to a healthy, vibrant, thriving life, and this goes for relationships with others as well. Sometimes, the most caring thing I can do for those I love is pay attention to myself in an honorable, compassionate way. This allows me to be present with those I love without expecting them to fix parts of me I haven’t attended to. It allows me to be available for their experiences because I am coming from a place of fullness, instead of lack. Whatever your feelings about Valentine’s Day, I invite you to use this time of year as a nudge to practice self-caring.
In this month’s issue, you will find a bold piece I’ve written on an alternative view to medication for depression and anxiety. I view most, if not all, mood disruptions as a disconnection from self. Read on to understand more and experience a practice in nurturing your Wisdom. Speaking of self-love and respect for your body, there is a book being released this month that could be a lovely act of self-care to purchase. Read on to find out more about “Feeding You Lies” and how to feed your body with the love and care it deserves.
HEALTHY, VIBRANT, THRIVING!
My whole way of thinking, and of helping others, is based around my philosophy of living a Healthy, Vibrant, and Thriving life! One way I love sharing this philosophy is through Instagram. Follow @drbando and receive encouragement to live a Healthy, Vibrant, and Thriving life yourself!

FEATURED ARTICLE…

The Answer Is Not In A Pill, It’s In a Process

It is beyond unfortunate that our culture is so accepting of popping pills for ailments that need a completely different remedy: self-awareness, attention, and honor. All too often, I see people struggling from the side-effects of medications or new disorders they’ve developed as a result of following their doctor’s well-meaning instructions. While medication certainly is useful and has its place, it is over-prescribed in our country and doing so deprives many of us of a deeper connection with ourselves. If you are experiencing mood symptoms such as depression or anxiety, it is your personal choice whether you treat these experiences with medication or other options.

Medication is not bad or wrong; at times, it is life-saving. However, the information we receive seems heavily weighted toward popping a pill to feel better. Here, you will find other options and ways of thinking about depression and anxiety. Please filter this information through your wisdom and do what is best for you and this short, meaningful life of yours.

Continue Reading


DID YOU KNOW?

I have been following food blogger and nutrition-based author, Vani Hari, otherwise known as Food Babe, for years. I am embarrassed to say that it did not occur to me to read food ingredient labels until well into my thirties. I was taught to be aware of carbs, protein, fat, etc., but it did not occur to me to be thoughtful about the quality of my food until over a decade into adulthood! I was never taught that this was important. Enter Vani, whose upbeat style and no-nonsense approach to nutrition, opened my eyes.
Food Babe’s philosophy is to inform and educate people on the “food” they are putting into their bodies and hold manufacturers of food accountable for responsible practices. She presents research on harmful chemicals that are snuck into food, exposes deceitful marketing practices, and suggest alternatives to the individual and larger corporations to help make our available options healthier. Vani is a crusader for nutritious eating, and in her new book “Feeding You Lies”, she exposes the untruths behind or food system from the food industry and our government. She is also uplifting, hopeful, and encouraging, leaving you feeling excited about treating your body well.
In her new book, Vani guides you through a 48-hour Toxin Takedown to rid your pantry, and your body, of harmful chemicals. She will help you live without preservatives, artificial sweeteners, additives, food dyes, or fillers, eating foods that truly nourish you and support your health. Pick up your copy of “Feeding You Lies” and learn what is needed to take control of what you are putting in your body!

WANT MORE?

My articles are always available for you to read and listen to at your convenience. My written articles can be found on my website, and the audio versions can be found on either my YouTube or Soundcloud pages.


PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE…

My guided meditations and practices are available in audio form – all for free! If you would like to enhance your mindfulness practice, experience this month’s or any recent offerings, click here!


LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO JUST SURVIVE.
THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!
I hope you enjoyed this article! If you would like to become a subscriber to my monthly newsletter, you can do so by clicking the SUBSCRIBE button at the top of the page.
Amanda Gale-Bando, Ph.D.

The Answer Is Not In A Pill, It’s In a Process

The Answer Is Not In A Pill, It’s In a Process

Listen to this article on YouTube or Soundcloud.It is beyond unfortunate that our culture is so accepting of popping pills for ailments that need a completely different remedy: self-awareness, attention, and honor. All too often, I see people struggling from the side-effects of medications or new disorders they’ve developed as a result of following their doctor’s well-meaning instructions. While medication certainly is useful and has its place, it is over-prescribed in our country and doing so deprives many of us of a deeper connection with ourselves. If you are experiencing mood symptoms such as depression or anxiety, it is your personal choice whether you treat these experiences with medication or other options.

Medication is not bad or wrong; at times, it is life-saving. However, the information we receive seems heavily weighted toward popping a pill to feel better. Here, you will find other options and ways of thinking about depression and anxiety. Please filter this information through your wisdom and do what is best for you and this short, meaningful life of yours.

Why depression and anxiety are not your fault, AND at the same time, your responsibility.

It Is Not Your Fault

Feeling depressed or anxious is not your fault. Emotions make sense. There is a cause-and-effect law of nature that we can apply to emotions. If you are feeling depressed or anxious, there is a reason, even if it is not immediately obvious to you.

Let’s take Sally, a high-achieving, married, mother-of-two.

Growing up, Sally learned that being angry didn’t work. When she expressed anger, her parents cut off affection and withdrew attention. She soon learned that her parents responded similarly to her expressions of fear, hurt, and other emotions that were painful and uncomfortable.

Now, in her thirties, Sally has learned to smile and “brush it off” when things bother her so that she doesn’t “make a big deal” out of things or upset the apple cart. People describe her as easy to get along with and laid-back. It is no surprise to me that Sally suffers from depression. She reports feeling like a shell of her former self and now has trouble experiencing all emotions, even joy, and mostly feels numb. Her doctor recommended she try taking an anti-depressant medication, but something inside her told her that was covering up and not addressing the true problem, so she sought my help.

I soon learned that whenever Sally suspects an emotion may bubble up, she does everything she can to shut it down and go back to feeling “fine.” Sally had so much emotional buildup clogging her every atom, it is no wonder she was bogged down with depression. My work with Sally was helping her feel those painful emotions she had stuffed away for all those years. I taught Sally some of what she already knew, deep in her intuition: how to walk through the hell of her emotions, look at them, feel them, and move through them, until she found herself. Through this process of facing, rather than medicating or numbing her emotions, Sally found bravery, the knowledge that she can do very hard things, and a self-respect she hadn’t previously known.

Another example is Ralph, a 40-something man with a high-powered career.

Ralph was anxious, didn’t know if he would ever find a relationship, and ran away each time he started feeling interested in a woman he was dating. In fact, this was Ralph’s M.O. Whenever he felt anxious, he either worked harder and achieved more to ensure his competence or found another way to run from and avoid facing his fear head-on.

It turns out that Ralph had this response to anxiety starting from a young age. He implicitly learned that once he quieted or escaped the anxiety, he felt relief. He recalled staying home “sick” from school as a young boy to avoid social situations when he felt unsure. This worked for a while. Every time he felt anxious about his work performance, rather than feel the fear run through his body and view it as an opportunity for growth, he worked even harder than his 60-hour-per-week job required and made sure there was no room for doubt. As a result, he quickly advanced in his career.

He also applied this philosophy to dating, and every time Ralph felt anxious (i.e., vulnerable because he really liked the woman he was dating), he figured out an exit strategy and reasoned that it was for the better and she just wasn’t meant for him.

In short, Ralph’s coping style was to run away from anxiety any way he could. Now in his 40’s, Ralph suffers from an anxiety disorder and was prescribed Xanax by his doctor. However, learning more about how anxiety (and emotions, in general) works, Ralph knew that escaping the feelings every time he was anxious, whether through hard work, break-ups, or medication, were contributing to him experiencing more and more anxiety and dissatisfaction as life marched on.

My work with Ralph was to help him turn and stand tall, toe-to-toe with anxiety. Ralph learned to move towards, instead of away from, anxious feelings, and has gained confidence, self-respect, and a loving dating relationship he enjoys as a result. Ralph’s work life also became less stressful and much to his surprise, his performance did not suffer.

What do Sally and Ralph have in common?

They both had mood symptoms they did not understand and were prescribed medication. They both also intuitively knew that for them, medication was hiding, not solving their problems. For both of them, treatment involved facing their emotions, connecting to the physiological sensations coursing through their bodies, and learning to welcome them in.

Last, and certainly not least, both Sally and Ralph learned to feel comfortable in their skin again and live life feeling purpose and meaning. For both Sally and Ralph, mood symptoms were signals that something was wrong. Their emotions were not getting the attention they needed and behaviors geared toward avoiding or pushing them down were moving them farther and farther away from the wisdom their bodies were offering through the experience of emotions.

In both cases, depression and anxiety was not their fault. Mood symptoms were a result of the behavior patterns they had learned to keep themselves feeling safe. They did not purposely engage in coping strategies to make them feel worse in the long run. In fact, they did not even know this was happening. They thought they were being skillful.

Feeling depressed or anxious is not your fault. There is always a cause and effect. This means, there is no need or even logic in harshly blaming, criticizing, or berating yourself: that emotion you feel makes sense. We can trace it back to a certain event or series of events that caused whatever is happening in your life now to happen. The take-home message here is, if you feel it, it makes sense; that does not mean that you need to live in it, dwell in it, swim in it, buy real-estate in it, or act out of that place of emotion.

Personal Responsibility

As a holistic psychologist, I view depression and anxiety as a disconnection from the self. Depression and anxiety are not your fault, AND the only one who can change things is you. Not a doctor who gives you a pill or anyone who offers a remedy. You are the only person who can change your experience.

Emotions are a physiological process, meaning they happen in your body. When an emotion fires, your biology instantaneously changes: your breathing, heart rate, temperature, and even blood pressure may fluctuate with each emotion that passes through your body. When you process your emotions, you are aware of your body. When you make a connection with your body by paying attention to your emotional experiences, you not only get rid of emotional buildup, you gain access to so much more. When emotional buildup isn’t getting in the way, you are able to feel grounded in your experiences and more readily identify what is important to you. In short, you free yourself to live with meaning.

That begs the question, “How?”

Once you begin to understand that your symptoms are signals for you to pay attention to, you can start to evaluate why your body, brain, and mood are trying to get your attention. You can ask yourself questions about how you feed yourself, exercise, rest, and how your daily behaviors are in or out of line with what is truly important to you. Take a look at today. Are you behaving in ways that produce pride? If you do not regularly engage in daily activities that you feel proud of, it is impossible to feel proud of your life. Where are you disconnected from what truly matters to you, and what step can you take today to move closer to living your values?

It’s a Process.

Dealing with depression or anxiety is a process. The answer is not in a pill, it’s in a process. The process is one of truly looking at yourself, without judgment, and listening to what your body and emotions are telling you. Then you can make this information actionable by asking yourself, “Where can I take a step forward today?” Don’t think of it as, “I’m at point A and I want to be at point B, but I don’t know how to get there.” Rather, ask “What is one little tiny step forward that I can take today that will start me down my path and my goal of reaching point B?” It could be something as small as “Today I’m going to drink a cup of bone broth”, or “Today I’m going to take 3 breaths and notice how my body feels before I take that first sip of coffee in the morning.” It could even be, “I’m going to open and read a page of that book that is important and meaningful to me.” Recovering from depression and anxiety is about the process and the relationship you build with yourself. Recovering means engaging in daily behaviors that support your best life.

The process of healing and self-connection is not about harshness, punishment, will power, and a “just do it” mentality. This stance of cracking the whip to get yourself in line is short-lived and impossible to maintain. You may have experienced coming up with a “tough love” remedy time and time again, only to wind up back in the same stuck place. Rather than more discipline, you may need more of a connection to yourself, because if you can relax into yourself, trust your body’s experiences, feel what you are feeling, and connect to what is important to you, you will move in a direction that is in your best interest.

 

CONNECTING TO YOUR WISDOM PRACTICE

Listen to this practice on YouTube or Soundcloud.
Let’s begin with getting grounded in the present moment. Focus now on the bottoms of your feet. Really see if you can feel any sensations present on the bottoms of your feet. Just notice.

Now, bringing your attention to the parts of your body touching the seat that you are in. If you are standing, you can continue noticing the bottoms of your feet or notice the sensation of your clothes on your body. Wherever your focus, bring your attention to your body touching another object.

Now, turning your attention toward your breath. Breathing in and breathing out.

Notice: where in your physical body does your attention go when you are bringing your awareness to your breath? Where do you feel your breath in your body?

Bringing your attention now to the very end of your inhalation. Take a few breaths focusing on the very end of your inhalation, right before the pause leading to your exhalation.

When you are noticing the very end of your inhalation, where, in your physical body, does your attention lie?

Some hypothesize that this is the physical representation of Wisdom in your body. Breathe into this place, notice this place inside of you. Within Wisdom, there is usually an experience of peace. Some describe this as a settling, much like sand gently settling into the bottom of the ocean.

This is a practice you can take with you anywhere to help settle into your body and your body’s wisdom. Three steps:

  1. Ground yourself by feeling the bottoms of your feet.
  2. Bring yourself solidly into the present moment and notice where your body is touching an object – your clothes or a seat you are sitting in.
  3. Notice where you feel your breath in your physical body. Then start to focus on the very end of your inhalation. Focus on this point, wherever in your body it lies.

You can also practice asking this part of your body, also known as the physical place of  Wisdom inside of you, a question. I like to practice with mundane, daily tasks, like how to prioritize what to do next or whether or not to go get a glass of water. Building a relationship with your body and your Wisdom requires time and attention. The more you ask and are present, the stronger your relationship becomes.


January Newsletter

Welcome to my January Newsletter!

Although some people roll their eyes at this, I love the New Year! In fact, I love any new beginning – the start of the school year, change in seasons, my birthday – anything that symbolizes the birth of something new. I like to use these markers as opportunities for a clean slate; a bright, shiny new future full of possibilities. Can you feel the optimism? I promise, I won’t get New Year’s Resolution-y on you. What I will do is encourage you to use this change on the calendar to dream big and create even more of the life that you want.
If you or someone you love is suffering from chronic illness, this issue of my newsletter is specially designed for you. Read (or listen to) my article about the “chronic” part of chronic illness, how it takes its toll, and what to do about it. Also, I’m sharing a fabulous resource – a naturopathic doctor who specializes in chronic, hard-to-treat illnesses, and is accessible and collaborative with her patients. If you or a loved one struggles with chronic illness, you need all the encouragement and support you can get. My hope is you find that here. There is hope for fulfillment, meaning and plain ol’ fun in your future!
Welcome 2019!
Great News!
All of my blogs, articles, practices, and meditations, are now available on YouTube. You can choose one that feels relevant now, or listen on continuous play while you get in today’s cardio. Also, when you subscribe to my YouTube channel you will be notified whenever I post a new video. Click the YouTube link below and visit my channel today.

FEATURED ARTICLE…

Chronic Illness and Mental Health Part 2: CHRONICITY

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, nearly 45% of Americans live with a chronic illness. That means almost half of us are living with daily symptoms and do not experience complete wellness! Given this number, chances are that you or someone you love suffers from the grips of a prolonged illness.

Continue Reading


DID YOU KNOW?

Functional medicine is a form of “alternative” medicine rising in popularity. Different types of practitioners (MD, OD, ND, L.Ac.) follow functional medicine and use this modality to find and treat the root cause of chronic and other illnesses. Many people turn to this method when conventional medicine has failed. Take a look at my featured professional, Dr. Antonella Aguilera-Ruiz of Wild Lemon Health to learn more.
Dr. Aguilera-Ruiz started her career sharing an office with a psychiatrist and psychologist, and has become well-versed on the inextricable interplay between physical and mental health. She also loves treating “complex” cases and her ideal client comes to her after having been through many doctors either not knowing how to treat, or having treatment failed. If you are grappling with physical and emotional symptoms, and maybe aren’t even sure how or if the two are related, an appointment with Dr. Aguilera-Ruiz is a good place to start. She offers a free initial consultation and affordable on-going care with unlimited access to her. What are you waiting for?! Check out her website and contact her today!
Dr. Aguilera-Ruiz’s Anti-Cleanse
Join Dr. Aguilera-Ruiz’s January Group Program, “Wildly Nourished” to reboot the new year with healthy food, connection, and clarity.

WANT MORE?

My articles are always available for you to read and listen to at your convenience. My written articles can be found on my website, and the audio versions can be found on either my YouTube or Soundcloud pages.


PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE…

My guided meditations and practices are available in audio form – all for free! If you would like to enhance your mindfulness practice, experience this month’s or any recent offerings, click here!


LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO JUST SURVIVE.
THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE!
I hope you enjoyed this article! If you would like to become a subscriber to my monthly newsletter, you can do so by clicking the SUBSCRIBE button at the top of the page.
Amanda Gale-Bando, Ph.D.

December Newsletter

Welcome to my December Newsletter!

The end of the year is upon us! As it seems to feel every year, time has flown by in the blink of an eye. It is true that our life here is short, and I like to use this as motivation to take a big juicy bite out of everything we can! Why wait until after January 1st to take stock and make changes that you know you need to thrive? The time is NOW! As we wrap up 2018, I would like to challenge you to face the path you want to be on and take a BOLD step forward.
What does your path and bold step look like?
Do you need to stop holding back some part of your personality for fear of others’ reactions? Perhaps slowing down and extending more kindness to yourself and others is a next, big step forward? Maybe you would like to get into shape and feel healthy and alive in your physical body?
Do you need to stop holding back some part of your personality for fear of others’ reactions? Perhaps slowing down and extending more kindness to yourself and others is a next, big step forward? Maybe you would like to get into shape and feel healthy and alive in your physical body? The step you choose is unique to you. There is no wrong answer and everyone may choose something different. Mindfulness is where it all begins. Mindfulness is where it all begins; it is the foundation on which any new habit is built. That’s why I have devoted this newsletter to the topic of, you guessed it, Mindfulness!
In this month’s newsletter…
You will find the final installment of my Body Image and Weight Loss series focused on Self-Compassion. While “self-compassion” sounds straightforward, it is a skill that requires practice to build. A strong base of mindfulness helps facilitate your ability to make use of self-compassion. In this spirit, I have also included two other perspectives from individuals with unique, science-based approaches to mindfulness and mindful eating. Read on to understand the effects on your whole-body health. Since mindfulness is best practiced rather than just understood, as always, I have included a practice this month, focused on self-compassion.
I hope you find something here to brighten your life and set you on the path toward THRIVING!
Happy Holidays!

FEATURED ARTICLE…

Body Image and Weight Loss Part 4: Self-Compassion

Body Image and Weight Loss are generally not topics that people enjoy discussing, yet the conversation is taking place in front of our eyes daily. Simply go outside or turn on any electronic device and you are bombarded with ideas about how you are supposed to look, feel, and even think. It probably does not occur to you to offer self-compassion if you don’t fit the perceived societal mold. The problem is that it not only feeds into the trap of Box Thinking, it also ignores that we are all individuals, and there is no template for the way we are supposed to be.

Continue Reading


ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW…

Chris Kresser, M.S., L.Ac is a globally recognized leader in the fields of ancestral health, Paleo nutrition, and functional and integrative medicine. He also has a talent of dissecting research and presenting the summary in a useful and reader-friendly manner. I have included links to some of his informative articles to help you understand Mindfulness, and get started on a daily Mindfulness routine. Chris is particularly passionate about disseminating information about the gut microbiome and how this affects overall health, including mood and mood disorders, so I have also included a link to an article here. Mindfulness involves awareness of our body and health, including what we feed ourselves and how we are impacted by our nutrition.

DID YOU KNOW?

If you have been going through life thinking in terms of, “Hungry – not hungry,”  or even not knowing whether or not you feel hunger, this book is for you. Jan Chozen-Bays, the author of one of my favorite books,Mindful Eating, explains SEVEN different types of hunger!
Reasons to gift yourself with this book today:
  1. Mindful Eating is a lovely, soothing read. I think of it as the book version of a massage.
  2. With the book, you receive access to 14 guided meditations.
  3. Never does this book shame you into what you “should” do. Rather, Chozen-Bays gently guides you down a path of discovering your likes and dislikes, what fits and what doesn’t.
  4. Jump start your mindfulness practice and learn to eat for your unique body.

WANT MORE?

My articles are always available for you to read and listen to at your convenience. My written articles can be found on my website, and the audio versions can be found on either my YouTube or Soundcloud pages.


LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO JUST SURVIVE.
THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE
I hope you enjoyed this article! If you would like to become a subscriber to my monthly newsletter, you can do so by clicking the SUBSCRIBE button at the top of the page.
Amanda Gale-Bando, Ph.D.

November Newsletter

Welcome to my November Newsletter!

Happy Thanksgiving! What an exhausting time of year this can be! Even if you love the holidays and enjoy robust health, the drop in temperature, colds and flus, and general busy-ness of the season can make it difficult to motivate. If you suffer from chronic illness, this time of year can also feel depleting. Please don’t despair! In this month’s newsletter, you will find…
  • The first installment in my series on Chronic Illness. Chronic, debilitating, and auto-immune disorders seem to be the norm for many nowadays. Even if you do not suffer, you may have a loved one struggling with illness, and my article can help give you some insight and understanding into their experience. Don’t worry – it is not all doom and gloom! Yes, I want to explain and understand hardships, AND I also want to give you a path forward, so read ahead for coping strategies.
  • Also an antidote to illness and stress, you might enjoy knowing more about the Psychology of Laughter. Not only is laughter powerful medicine, it also burns calories, relaxes the body, boosts your immune system, and promotes heart health! In this spirit, I’ve attached some comedy clips for you to enjoy, and I encourage you to watch some of your favorite comedians.
  • Yet another impactful way to support your body is through Mindful Exercise. Meet Owen Dockham, founder and owner of Live Oak Strength. His unique, science-backed approach to exercise and aging well, supports people at all fitness levels, from yoked-out gym rat to Sedentary Sally.
As always, I hope you find something here to brighten your days. After all, life is too short just to survive, that’s why I help people THRIVE!

FEATURED ARTICLE…

Chronic Illness and Mental Health Part 1: The Unpredictability of Chronic Illness

Living with a chronic illness can be overwhelming, both physically and emotionally. You may deal with varying degrees of disability; from brain fog that affects your ability to concentrate and remember, to intense pain that affects your joints and ability to move freely in your body. You may even have “wandering” symptoms, which means that you experience different symptoms from day-to-day or week-to-week, and are never sure what to expect from your body. Sometimes symptoms might even be vague and hard to describe; even though you know something is off in your body, you are not experiencing the vitality you once did.

Continue Reading


ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW…

My friend and colleague, Owen Dockham is a certified personal trainer, the founder of Live Oak Strength in the East Bay, California, and co-founder of EverStrongSF in San Francisco in the Lower Haight. (A possible sister location may be opening up in your area of California soon. Stay tuned!) I first attended a fitness class run by Owen in 2011 and have followed him as he expanded to open his own studio offering a super-safe, amazingly effective way to build muscle, strengthen joints, and improve bone density. I started this “Super-Slow” weight lifting workout in October 2016 when I was in a lot of joint and muscle pain and my body was not cooperating with other types of exercise. I have been at it once a week ever since. Did I mention this workout is only once, or maximum twice a week for 20 minutes?! Yep, that’s it! A major component of this exercise is that the muscles need to rest so that they can properly repair and strengthen. I believe in this workout so strongly as I have seen it help already buff people get more muscle tone and definition and senior citizens able to use this method to stay mobile, healthy, and minimize body pain. I continue to learn so much from Owen and his workout protocol. Another selling point for me is that this method is science-backed and based in research. (You can read more about it in the book Body by Science, if you’re interested). To learn more about Owen or high-intensity resistance training, check out his websites.

DID YOU KNOW…

You have certainly heard the phrase, “Laughter is the best medicine!” and research shows us this is true. From lowering stress hormones to momentarily distracting you from painful experiences, laughter provides many health and quality-of-life benefits. You don’t have to take my word for it: check out these articles on the medicine of laughter and learn for yourself how powerful this tool can be. And the next time you need a boost, find a way to evoke a big belly laugh! Remember, it’s great for your health.
SPEAKING OF THE MEDICINE OF LAUGHTER…
Speaking of the medicine of laughter, I am a huge comedy fan. My husband and I love seeing comedians perform live and attend comedy shows whenever we can. I encourage you to brainstorm a few ways you can bring more laughter into your life. For inspiration, check out these brief comedy clips and see what tickles you. (Brian Regan is a personal, long-time favorite of mine. I laugh until I cry – the fun kind.) Enjoy!

JOIN ME ON INSTAGRAM…


Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram. I post a few times a week, so follow @drbando for tips, encouragement, and suggestions to help you thrive.


WANT MORE?

My recent articles, guided meditations, and practices are always available with an audio option – all for free! If you would like to enhance your mindfulness practice, experience this month’s or any recent offerings, please visit either my YouTube or Soundcloud pages.


LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO JUST SURVIVE.
THAT’S WHY I HELP PEOPLE THRIVE
I hope you enjoyed this article! If you would like to become a subscriber to my monthly newsletter, you can do so by clicking the SUBSCRIBE button at the top of the page.
Amanda Gale-Bando, Ph.D.

Living an Authentic Life

You may have heard the term, “Living an Authentic Life”. This phrase has different meanings to different people and there are countless ways to embody this, depending on your personality, history, talents and soul purpose, to name a few. My way of helping you live authentically is teaching and facilitating your ability to tune into your Wisdom. Most of the time, this starts with emotional awareness, understanding, and experiencing, and developing your expertise in harnessing your physical experience to align with your values and what is most fulfilling for you in this life.

Listen to the audio version of this article.

Every person has Wisdom. Just as we all have logic and are able to reason things through, we have emotion and can act impulsively or with love or out of fear; we all have blood coursing through our veins and bones and muscles in our bodies. In the same way, we all have Wisdom. I define Wisdom as that place where knowing exists. It may occur to you as a settling sensation, a sense of peace, clarity, intuition, or really any number of experiences. Your wisdom is distinctively yours and how you encounter it is unique to you. My life’s work is to help those who are seeking to access Wisdom in such a way that you are not only making big decisions from a Wise place but also living your everyday life informed by this valuable source. I believe being able to part the clouds of your noisy life and tune into the knowing deep inside is your key to unlocking the door to living your Authentic Life.

This begs the question, “How do I reach my Wisdom?” The answer: by treating your life as a Guest House and putting out the welcome mat. In our society, we are heavily reinforced from a young age to “think things through.” While some thoughts can be distressing, most people do not have trouble welcoming in and being aware of thoughts. Even when someone asks how you feel, a typical response is to report what you think, e.g., “I’m stressed because I just sat in traffic,” “I’m looking forward to going to a movie tonight.” In fact, discussing how we feel is so foreign in our society that responding to the question, “How are you feeling?” is never answered by, “Well, let’s see. I have a very slight fluttering in my stomach, I am noticing my feet touching the ground, and there is a feeling of lightness in my chest. Overall, I’m feeling hopeful.” Try responding in this way the next time someone asks how you are and you will most certainly meet a furrowed brow and possibly awkward conversation.

Yet, as the poet, Rumi, so aptly stated many years ago, “This being human is a Guest House.” What he meant is that emotions flow through us, they come, and they go, much as visitors of a guest house. It is a natural process, and we are plagued with much suffering if we fight off, suppress or ignore what we are feeling. Never does Rumi say to brace yourself and clench your teeth until the unpleasant emotion passes. Rather, he writes about “a depression, a meanness…a crowd of sorrows” and urges you, “Welcome and entertain them all!” “Meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.”

The human condition is to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Therefore, being a guest house to our emotions is a practice. When we practice, we rid ourselves of emotional buildup, and we allow ourselves to simply be, with the confidence we can handle whatever comes our way. And when we do this, we clear the clouds of emotional chaos and create an opening for our Wisdom to appear.

Are you looking for the Wisdom to Live an Authentic Life? Please take a look at my articles*, exercises, worksheets, and audio guides to help you achieve your personal goals as you shift from surviving to Thriving!

*Stay tuned for next month’s article, Part 2 of the four-part Body Image and Weight Loss series started this past June. If interested, you can access the written and audio versions of Part 1 here.

_________________

Guided Meditation

Listen to the audio version of my guided meditation to help you live an Authentic Life.

Living your authentic life involves tuning into your Wisdom. This starts with emotional awareness, understanding, and experiencing, which helps lead you on a path to aligning your day-to-day life with your values, resulting in your deepest fulfillment.

By treating your life as a Guest House, as the author, Rumi, suggests in his poem, you can cultivate a welcoming, accepting and nonjudgmental attitude toward your emotions. You can learn to allow your emotions to flow through you, leading to clarity, a sense of peace and knowing, and ultimately access to your Wisdom, the gateway to living your authentic life.

I am going to read the poem, The Guest House, by Rumi, twice. Your task is to listen to the words, allow them to flow through you, and notice any sensations as they arise. When your mind wanders, that is perfectly fine, as minds are meant to think, just notice that your mind is thinking and ever so gently, bring your attention back to the words, back to your body and sensations, back home to your house of Wisdom.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

By Rumi

As this recording comes to a close, you may choose to sit in silence for a few more moments, gently noticing the sensations of your breath and your body, knowing that allowing your experiences to flow through you provides access to your Wisdom and to your Authentic Life.

Thank you for listening. I’m Dr. Bando, licensed psychologist, happy to help you shift from surviving to thriving!


When Everyone Turns to You, and You’d Rather They Didn’t

Everyone occasionally gets assigned to be the Point Person: the one people turn to for making plans, coordinating, and figuring everything out. The people around you may have the impression you are the most knowledgeable, capable, or willing to do the work. They may look up to you or see you as an authority. For whatever reason, you become the Point Person, the hub of responsibility in a situation or group.

Sometimes it can be preferable to be the “Point Person,” but there will be times that you just do not want the responsibility. You may have been told to “just say yes” or “step up to the plate” when you have been put in this position. People may try to cheer you on, thinking you just need encouragement and that leading or organizing will be good for you, or that it’s your duty. Still, you do not want to do it. So, what now?

Your Health

Consider whether it is healthy for you to take on unwanted tasks. The associated stress increase can cause you harm. We all know excessive stress is harmful, but the chronicity of stress that comes from being a “Point Person” can be especially injurious, because there is no apparent time for your body to realize that the situation is over, signaling that it is time to relax.

Over time, continued strain on your body from routine stress may contribute to serious health problems, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and other illnesses, as well as mental disorders like depression or anxiety” – National Institute of Mental Health website

when you're the point person, assigned responsibility, appointed in charge

Your Relationships

Allowing others to decide that you are in charge can be detrimental to your relationships. It is best to talk about what you are comfortable with early before you grow resentful for having endured a situation you felt forced into. This can also prevent tensions that would inevitably arise in the course of you trying to fill that “Point Person” role.

Feeling pushed into a default role of responsibility most likely does not help you put your best foot forward and shine. Your performance as an unwilling “Point Person” may disappoint people that matter to you, or matter to your success at work or other areas of your life.

How to Handle Being Elected Point Person

Once you decide how you feel about being the responsible party, you can then set limits that protect you from absorbing more responsibility than you want. Be clear with yourself about what bothers you, what feels right in your wisdom, and how you would like to interact with the project or situation ahead of you. Then you can set parameters with the people looking to you for guidance.

Setting limits promotes better health and well-being. Some of the benefits of being clear about your boundaries include that you learn more about yourself, you become a more transparent and effective communicator, and you have more time for the things you value.

It can take practice setting boundaries with others. Here are some tips to help you set your boundaries:

  • Do your homework: Ask what others expect of you without assuming.
  • Know yourself and be truthful: Before starting a conversation about your limits, know what you are willing to accept and be honest about it.
  • Negotiate: Be willing to try to find a solution that works for everyone if it exists, don’t accept “solutions” that truly do not work for you.
  • Self-care: Stick with your commitment to take care of yourself.
  • Be assertive: Don’t try to disguise your limits or make them seem like something they aren’t. Be direct and clear.

If you want to learn more about limit setting or other ways to take your health from surviving to thriving, contact Dr. Bando today.


© 2017 Amanda Gale Bando Phd · Designed and Developed by D-Kode Technology

Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando

Dr. Amanda Gale-Bando